When Expectation Versus Inspiration Gets The Best Of You...

I met with my spiritual mentor at the end of last week for some guidance in what to do next with my business. Like anything, building a business takes time and can definitely make my human self go batshit crazy if I get too caught up in the thoughts around when certain things will start rolling in the way I want them to (and can I tell you how irritating it can be to be challenged by your thinking when you're aware it's only your thinking?!) After some new tools to take me to the next level with things, I had insights galore...

He asked me straight - “Which do you think is the more appropriate pace - with space for lessons, insights and learning -  for all that you want out of your career? Your timeline? Or theirs?” (Their's meaning the Universe, Universal Mind, Greater Intelligence, Guides... whatever floats your boat).

Of course, I immediately said with no question “Theirs.” (Whew, sweet relief - I guess I needed the reminder).

We went on to discuss how we as humans have the need to speed things up - ESPECIALLY when we have an expectation of ‘where we should be by now.’ It doesn’t matter if we’re talking career, relationships, changes in health, changes in weight, growing a family, or improved living conditions - once we have our mind set on a goal, we tend to then have an expectation of it being achieved or obtained as quickly as possible, and we make ourselves go mental in the meantime. An interesting thought that my husband Mike so simply and insightfully observed about expectation is that we often click in to more sped-up thinking that creates a negative energy around not having, or not having achieved, that thing yet. We spend our days ruminating over how close we are to it (or how far away we are from it), what we could be doing more of to obtain it quicker, judging all the things we think are getting in our way, or worse off - speeding through all these thoughts which throw you into a thought storm of - is this thing I so badly desire that I feel is right for me even going to happen!?! (I can’t tell you how many people I know that get themselves trapped in that belief! "Is it really possible for me to achieve all that I believe is possible?" YES!).

But here’s the thing - the more you ruminate on all these thoughts because of your expectation, you will most certainly take yourself out of the action that would MOST CERTAINLY get you to exactly where you want to go. As I’ve observed in myself and many others, having an expectation brings on a bit of complacency, a very counter intuitive sense of inaction in the face of something that most definitely needs your action! And on top of it all, because you're going in circles in your thinking, you're missing the beautiful moments in life that are happening right under your nose and not allowing wisdom to come through!

Am I saying to grind away at everything you think you need to do to make a dream or goal come to fruition to fight the pangs of expectation? Absolutely not. This is where inspiration comes in. What I know from experience, and what Mike also chimed in on through his observation of me and himself, is when a goal or dream breathes inspiration into your being, the complete opposite of what I have described as expectation happens. When I am inspired to achieve something, I am motivated, EXCITED, full of joy - and moved to action. And not moved to action because I have forced myself to do so, but an action that is naturally curated from my excited, inspired, creative feeling that is burning inside me.

Expectation creates more chaotic thinking, inspiration comes straight from your wisdom.

For further evidence of this, keep reading...

I first met with my spiritual teacher turned mentor in November of 2016. At the time, I was pretty miserable at my job feeling lower than I had ever felt before. I learned later my state of mind had nothing to do with my job and everything to do with my thinking around it, but long story short, I wasn’t following my soul-pull purpose and I hadn’t clearly discovered it yet either, so I was feeling quite lost. My mentor had an insight that I would have to be at my job for about another year, and at the time, that sounded like a prison sentence, but I kept listening. He sensed I had lessons to learn about myself within that timeframe and if I forced myself into another job, all the problems I deemed to be issues with my current job would rear their ugly head somewhere else. He also knew that my purpose would begin to become more clear and he advised that I begin to write, journal, study and read everything I could about how to create my own work to share with the world. I knew I wanted to help people. I knew I wanted to help them understand that their thinking was what was driving them crazy because I had had a little bubble of insight into my own experience of life that that was what was creating my sadness - but it was just a bubble, a flicker of light that made me curious, and he wanted me to follow it. (<-- As I do now for people, he was serving as a guide to my own wisdom since I was under SO many layers of depressive chaotic thinking).

So there I was, completely inspired for what was to come. The burn had worn off that I was sentenced to another year at my job because I could clearly see the purpose of the time needed - I was also completely motivated to not allow any more time than a year to pass before I made the next move. Every day I wrote, read, watched videos - I even attended the most incredible workshop on a tiny little island off of Vancouver to deepen my understanding of the 3 Principles - an understanding that my work is based in. I was in pure bliss. So much so that any time a thought would come up like “What if an opportunity doesn’t show up for you to do your work and leave your job” or “What if you have to stay at your job longer” - my inspiration and resolve was so deeply woven into my being that I allowed those thoughts to pass and they didn’t trigger me whatsoever. I trusted, surrendered, and kept it moving.

Cut to July of 2017 I visited with my mentor again. I wanted to check in to see if I was on course (I knew I was.. my thinking was quieting and leaving room for my wisdom to inform me, but this was a big leap and I was grateful for his input). Sure enough, he intuited that I was ahead of schedule, I had learned all I needed to, and I had done the work to prepare myself for my leap of faith. We talked about my classes that I had planned to teach, and the money I could expect to make. Looking back, my intuition, my wisdom, was telling me something was off about this financial goal/expectation, but the carrot was dangling and I was ready to grab it.

When it came to finally taking the leap from my job, I continued to be inspired by the feeling of excitement of that day coming closer. Any time I would have fearful thinking around it, I would let it pass and I would trust that my wisdom would let me know when that day would be. It’s important to note that at this point, any fearful thinking about finances would also get blitzed by my trust (and frankly, my expectation) that I was going to have great financial return pretty soon after l left my job (even though I still had a little nagging feeling that it wasn’t totally right).

It’s 3am on a Wednesday turning Thursday night at the end of August. I can’t sleep so I’m journaling my random thoughts and BOOM - a lightening strike courses through me and I blurt out loud, "30 days - it’s time to give my 30 days notice". I had no ‘job’ set up, just plans on teaching my class, but I knew I had to make the leap. As life unfolds for you when you are following that inner compass and wisdom, when I told my husband and family, they were in complete support and when I met with my boss, she so graciously offered me part time work on projects I could do from home while I built my business. I couldn’t have had a more graceful and peaceful transition - and it was just under a year from when I had set off on this journey, just as my mentor had suspected.

Now, to this day, I’m not sure if he had planted the financial gains idea into my mind for the little extra push of bravery, or if his intuitive timeline was just a bit off - either way, he isn’t God and I shouldn’t have put any expectations on what he had shared with me, especially since my own gut didn’t feel completely right about it (our own wisdom knows what's best!). But since what I had experienced from the first go-around was so incredible and came true, I couldn’t help but have such expectations!

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

Before having the insight that every moment of this last 8 months has been for a greater purpose and on the timeline of the Universe (not my own), the expectation for bigger financial success (ahem... just a thought that I adopted from my mentor) was providing such fear of it not coming to fruition at all, that I became energetically stuck. My wisdom kept peeking through but I didn't know how to put it into action. I now see that the past 8 months since I took the leap from my job have been absolutely needed for this insight among many others. I no longer teach my work in a weekly group class setting as I had planned. It may come back around at some point but my gut was telling me ‘this is close, but it’s not it.” I’ve had to switch up my business plan because I LOVE doing private sessions. My work is absolutely informative and life-changing in a group setting, that’s why I love to do workshops and have been asked to continue working with the kids at LA County High School for the Arts, but to remove the anchors of specific old beliefs that people have in a session, to see their eyes light up because in an instant their whole life changes and their success skyrockets because of it? That’s the juice I was looking to squeeze. And I couldn't have gotten here without the journey behind me. Sometimes our wisdom is very clearly screaming at us, but when we have set expectations (aka thinking) in our way that looks really real, we need the reminder that it isn't.

Ahhhh... the look of how it feels when you release your grip on your thinking!

Ahhhh... the look of how it feels when you release your grip on your thinking!

Since meeting with him again last week and getting more of a business plan down, l am re-inspired. I’m completely full of love and light and joy and excitement for what’s to come because I have the clear steps ahead of me bringing me peace of mind, therefore allowing my wisdom to continue guiding me. When we honor our wisdom, we get more information, we continue to stay inspired, we continue to feel filled-up with love and joy because we are honoring our inner knowing; And when we feel all of these things, we are in alignment with our path, with the Universe’s blueprint, and the road will continue to rise up to meet us.

All my love and see you next week,