Anthony Bourdain: A Tribute & A Wake Up Call

"He was an ambassador of the Soul"

It's true. My husband Mike hit the nail on the head when the tragic news of Anthony Bourdain ending his life flooded our social media feed.

Like many folks, Mike and I became fans of Anthony Bourdain during his "No Reservation" days - loving his raw, honest, sometimes rough (always tell-it-like-it-is), completely heart-connecting way of being. He opened our eyes to different cultures, he made us excited about the potential to follow his footsteps in our future travels, spotlighting completely pedestrian yet delicious diamond-in-the-rough places to eat. Screw the reviews from hoity toity know-it-all food critics, if the meal was delicious, that's all that mattered. Whether it be from street carts to a hut in the middle of the Amazon, dumpling houses to finding out what your neighbor is REALLY GOOD at making, connection was Bourdain's mission and food was his love language.

Observing the outpouring of love for this tower of a human being after his passing made me realize something pretty huge and profound about his purpose. He made each and every one of us feel like his friend, like we were the only ones getting in on these secret, divey, hole in the wall eateries all over the world. He opened our eyes to the politics, misgivings and misrepresentations of so many different cultures - and the way he showed us through his gift of revealing and honest conversation made us feel like we had a seat at the table or around the campfire; We were his personally invited company to each of his adventures. He asked the hard questions and because of his incredible deep listening skills, curiosity and open heart, humanity was revealed in every individual he was breaking bread with.

I don't think I will ever forget his recent venture to West Virginia for CNN's "Parts Unknown" that literally left me in tears. With judgements that I didn't even realize I had, until he unveiled his own and I saw my reflection in him, to witness the duality of this extremely open-hearted culture of kind human beings with staunch beliefs that would normally make the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up; Again, the conversations, the connection, his willingness to hear their perspectives and to share why his and my progressive world can't stomach them, was an art. When he asked why this previously very democratic state voted red for the most "city-slicker, anti working-man, 3x married president," they earnestly answered: because they didn't feel heard in the plight of coal-mining. They were told by the left that their jobs would be lost when most don't have anything but 7 generations of coal-mining history behind them with no higher education. Alternately, Bourdain ingeniously then asked, "Would you tell your kids to work in the mines?" and the response was a collective "NO" - he looked for the gap, so we could see the gap. The understanding and humanity was felt. These are good people who see the argument of the environmental problem with coal-mining but don't feel like they have any other way to turn, so with every last penny earned they will send their kids to college with the pride of a black-smudged dime.

This was the Bourdain we knew, the feeling we held for him when we brought him up over dinner with friends. His heart extending beyond himself to others, to have empathy, to see, feel and make US feel, that we are all one - in search of a delicious soul-hugging meal. As I was reminded by his dear friend Helen Rosner in her beautifully written tribute in the New Yorker, Bourdain was effortlessly honest with his audience about the shadows of his depression as well.

In a 2016 episode of “Parts Unknown,” set in Buenos Aires, he held an on-camera therapy session. “I will find myself in an airport, for instance, and I’ll order an airport hamburger,” he says, lying on a leather couch. “It’s an insignificant thing, it’s a small thing, it’s a hamburger, but it’s not a good one. Suddenly, I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that can last for days.”

I know what the beginning of this spiral feels like, as I'm sure you do. That triggering thought or that triggering experience that begins the thoughts that lead you to your habitual thinking that feels 6 feet deep. I don't care if you're experiencing depression for the first time, if you feel like you just deal with 'low days,' or if you find yourself under so many layers of chaotic thinking that you can't even remember how to breathe - any whirlwind in your mind that leads you to feel like the ground is literally no longer beneath you and that your inner compass won't stop spinning, can make you feel lost in the most profound of ways, I've been there.

To this day I can feel the flutter of those triggering thoughts arise, like when you feel like you're about to hiccup... Before I actually have the thought that can send me down a spiral or into a storm, I sense it first... like the hiccup. This is the energy of Thought - this is the gift of Thought - this is the principle of Thought - this is where the power of understanding Thought can change your life. When I read the news about Bourdain, I literally yelled "NO!" out loud, before fact checking the internet. I couldn't believe what I was reading. As soon as I saw that his death was confirmed, I was thrown into a complete and utter sadness that overwhelmed me for the rest of the day. Why? Because I wish I was there to speak with him, I wish he knew what I know.

What do we always say about people who are, or have considered, ending their life? They have suicidal thoughts... read that again... they have suicidal thoughts. As a culture, we are innocently calling out the issue without recognizing that the answer is right in front of us. The energy of Thought is transitory, it doesn't EVER stop, and the quality of our thinking goes up and down all day, every day. We, as humans, have the gift of turning that formless energy (that feeling that I sense when my depressive thoughts are on the horizon like the feeling of a hiccup), into FORM (pictures in our mind). It is literally the superpower of our personal thinking minds - WE are the thinkers, WE create those pictures. Imagine stepping outside and feeling a beautiful breeze surrounding you, and you reach out to grab the breeze then open your palm to reveal sand - like magic, you grabbed the formless but energetic air and turned it into something. That is what we do as thinkers. We take the energy of Thought and turn into the form of pictures in our mind.

By way of the principle of Consciousness (awareness), these pictures become VERY REAL to us because our feelings come from our thinking 100% OF THE TIME - no exception. It doesn't matter what your circumstances outside of you are, you are feeling your thinking every moment of every day. You are creating your outside reality by way of your inside thinking, and being aware of this, is the gift of Consciousness. So as you can imagine when you are in the middle of a thought storm, with so many thoughts that you can't even keep up with how fast they're firing in your mind, you feel like you can't breathe, you feel like you're not worthy, you feel like the love you receive from others isn't real, you feel like the world is closing in on you - that is your body telling you that you are believing your thinking that ISN'T REAL. It isn't true for you. Plain and simple. And when we are honoring ourselves, when we have the understanding that our thinking can be taken less seriously when it makes us feel like shit - those moments where we think we can't take it anymore and need to do something about it, we know we have the choice to sit it out. We choose to call a friend, a partner, a loved one, knowing that this current reality is not permanent. It will pass. Because it is an energy that is constantly shifting and will most definitely autocorrect to a neutral and peaceful state, with time. Or rather, the moment you choose to live a different reality.

I understand if this seems like I've over-simplified a state of being that seems much more complex - but it isn't. The difference between you being in a low mood this morning and naturally being lifted out of it versus Anthony Bourdain is the layers and layers of thinking that is being believed so that it doesn't feel like there's a way out. Spiritually, the more shitty thinking that is believed, the more habitual it is (and this can go on for YEARS), the emptier the self-love cup. When we've believed lies that we tell ourselves in our own little reality, we find evidence in our life to support it, then we feel justified in our thinking and our light shines a little less than it did before. And the smaller we feel, the lower our mood, the more we believe our thinking, the more we can't pull ourselves out if it. But it all starts with the above understanding. Simple but not easy sometimes, and I understand. I've been there. I haven't been to the end of my rope, but I've experienced the dizzyness that begins to make you feel like you're crazy and you can't cope. There is ALWAYS a voice inside that will tell you what to do instead, telling you what you need to come back to a peaceful place - this is your wisdom. It is with you all of the time. But it's like a quiet flute being played behind the band of the shitty thinking, and the band needs to be turned down to hear it.

The nature of energy is to flow. That's all Thought is. So maybe it'll take you talking out loud to your shitty thinking and saying "Oh, hello again," to put distance between you and the pictures. But having this understanding will at least give you the opportunity to see that you always have the freedom to choose your next thought; The freedom to choose your next action. You're not at will of the freeloading thought turds that are floating in the beautiful abyss that is your mind. Knowing that you have the power to create your own reality through the lens of whatever thinking you're believing at any moment in time, allows the triggering, depressive thinking to melt away. And just this awareness in itself will begin to shift your thinking, which shifts your feelings, which shifts your behaviors. It's an amazing experience.

When Bourdain passed, all of this information was swirling around my mind. I was desperate to write a post for social media, but I couldn't think of a way to concisely share my tribute along with my outrage for how many lives could be saved by knowing a simple understanding. If you're reading this and you've considered ending your life or still consider doing so now - please know that you have a purpose that is meant to be shared, and if you don't feel that right now, it's because the noise in your head is too loud to hear it. But it's there. It may take time to quiet the band upstairs, but like anything worth doing, the reward on the other side is living your life in your truest form while being able to help others understand themselves like you have learned from your own battle.

In closing, astronaut Scott Kelly's tribute to Bourdain took the words right out of my mouth...

"... I watched his show when I was in space. It made me feel more connected to the planet, it's people and cultures and made my time there more palatable. He inspired me to see the world up close."

Tony, thank you for conquering your battles as often as you did. Thank you for not allowing them to keep you from us, because what brings me peace is knowing that you knew on some gut level that you were touching lives and changing them for the better. How lucky are we that you won that battle as long as you did. I always had a feeling I'd meet you one day and give you the biggest hug as appreciation for all that you taught me...

Until we meet again...

All my love and see you next week~

Jessie

Anthony Bourdain

Taking The Leap! An Interview With Valerie Mya Of On The Go Glow

"My decisions didn’t come from business textbooks, they fully came from my gut. The feeling was freeing, I just knew when things felt right."

This coming from the woman who has found herself CEO of an incredibly successful spray tanning business making everyday women and men feel like their most confidant selves, as well as A-list celebrities like Courtney Cox, Kristen Bell or best friend and Agents of Shield star Elizabeth Henstridge, get red carpet ready.

I met with Valerie Mya over lunch on a beautiful sunny day in Los Angeles, where it seemed the flowers and breeze knew we were getting to know each other for the first time. The patio was filled with a beautiful energy that most certainly reflected the light inside both of us that couldn't be more excited to share our histories. At the time, Valerie and I had met in a class and she had casually mentioned what she did for work. Little did I know till we had our lunch that this pixie-sized beauty was a badass boss. When she went on to share with me more about how she got to where she did, without any hesitation my wisdom jumped out of me and asked for this interview because she is an inspiration through and through. If you have ever had ANY hesitation to take the leap into a career, whether starting your own business or shifting gears into a new industry or company, and the only thing that holds you back is the idea that you don't have all your ducks in a row or know-how, read on for proof that passion, purpose and gut instinct is all you need.

Valerie Mya/Dana Patrick photography

Jessie: Did you know while you were growing up that you wanted to run your own business one day? If not, what did you have dreams of doing?

Valerie: As a kid/young adult I was never great at school. I had more of the creative brain - I was into dancing and acting. But the way schooling was set up didn’t really fit me, I almost failed high school. So no, I didn’t think owning my own business was a possibility. That was until I realized I was smart, I just had another way of learning (LOVE that!) Having this business has definitely helped me see myself in another light, and made me realize there are all different kinds of “smart.”

J: What was the moment that it hit you to start this business? What was the first insight and where were you?

V: As I mentioned earlier, I was into the performing arts, so when I moved from New York City to LA I needed a part time job in between the acting struggles. I worked at a few tanning salons as the main spray tan technician. I realized people requested me all the time; I didn’t really know then, but I believe I had a “thing” for making people feel comfortable - I loved making people feel good about themselves. Being a very independent type of person (I moved to NYC at age 14 on my own), I knew working for myself would be ideal. The idea of bringing this service to people just came to me (<--- WISDOM!), and I knew LA people love convenience, so I started it casually on the side not knowing if it was going to take off.

J: What did it FEEL like when you had that first gut pull?

V: People always say it’s so impressive to start a company but in a way, it always felt easy. I didn’t over think things and I just went with my gut with every decision I made. Listening to my gut made it feel as easy as brushing your teeth. Don’t get me wrong, the manual labor was hard and I had a lot of very long days/nights but when it came to making decisions, at the beginning and through out, it always felt easy.

Side note! Because Valerie didn't have pressure-filled thinking around needing to make this venture successful, she stayed out of her own way and was much more peaceful in allowing the steps to unfold in front of her and tap into her wisdom. This is absolutely possible for YOU, it just takes the simple understanding that your thoughts are the only thing getting in your way and making you believe you can't be successful. Carry on...

J: What were the first steps you took?

V: Because I started this business as kind of a side hobby at first, I started very basic. I got equipment, an email account and started spreading the word through word of mouth. After getting some routine clients under my belt I signed up for Yelp, and because I was the only company open 24/7, we were the only spray tan company to come up during late night searches. Yes, we really are open 24/7, you can get a spray tan at 2 in the morning (and yes, it happens). That really is what helped make On The Go Glow different than others and get the name out.

V (cont'd): I put in the blood sweat and tears at the beginning. From designing the website, to managing the phone calls, to spraying etc, I did it all. Being open 24/7 there was no “we are closed,” so whenever a spray came in, I stopped what I was doing and I showed up - I did that for about 3-4 years. I remember spraying from 8am to 9pm, sitting down to eat dinner and the phone ringing for another spray at 10pm. By that point I knew I needed to start hiring. (9 employees later, I think that was good idea!)

J: Did you ever have doubts at the beginning and do you ever have doubts or fears now? What makes you peaceful in those moments?

V: Honestly, at the beginning I didn’t have doubts, because it felt kind of like a small hobby. Don’t get me wrong though, once it took off and I realized “Wow, okay, this is a full blown business,” I had a moment of “Can I do this?” Like I mentioned before, school wasn’t my thing and I didn’t go to business school. But when the doubts hit me, I realized I was already doing it, I already owned a business, I just had to keep trusting myself and not over think anything. As for now? Sure! Doubts and fears always creep in. As the business grows, so many things have to change within the business, and the thought can creep up “Do I know what I am doing?” When I do have doubts and fears I always remember all the clients that keep coming back, all my employees that feel like family and who express loving working for OTGG. Everyone involved calms me and the proof of succeeding is all around me, within them and in what I have built. As scary as it can be, it’s also very exciting to see OTGG grow.

J: What do you feel your company does for people and what do you offer?

V: Whenever I hire someone I say the most important thing I care about (besides epic spray tans) is that the client feels 100% comfortable. I believe OTGG gives people a safe place to “bare it all” and look and feel amazing after. We see all walks of life and I really think we make sure everyone feels comfortable in their own skin. It's a boost of confidence that we spray - we love spreading self-love. We offer long lasting incredible spray tans that don't smell, we believe in using only healthy products on your body, so we have our own organic solution - and all in the comfort of someone’s home or hotel room (or anywhere really) 24/7. 

J: Have any crazy stories to share?

V: We have a lot of crazy stories! From those very late 2am calls, to getting so close with clients that we go through marriages, divorces, and deaths with them; Spray tanning someone with cancer and having her cry after because she said she hadn’t felt so good in a long time. I have a huge list of stories, that honestly has changed my life. I am currently writing a book that will have a bunch of funny and heart touching stories and explaining the amazing connection strangers can have while "baring it all."

What is becoming a theme of my interviews with these superstar Taking The Leap entrepreneurs, is that they didn't allow any momentary doubtful or fearful thinking get in the way of them and their unfolding reality. That's it. So if you're sensing a flicker of curiosity within you to explore something new whether in work, career or relationships, I encourage you to follow it, because your thoughts (and your feelings coming from those thoughts) are the only thing getting in your way.

To close, I'll leave you with two pieces of solid advice from Valerie...

I have noticed, this year, once I took the fear of “not having money" or “will the appointments keep getting booked” away, the company really took off again. Taking away the fear (Ahem... not believing those thoughts!) has allowed the business to really flourish. Just like at the beginning when I wasn’t over thinking it.

As for taking the leap?

Do it, take the leap. Know that it may be hard work and very scary at first, but it will be well worth it. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, don’t do it (even if the business textbooks say to). I really didn’t follow any business plan I just went with what felt right. I had a lot of people telling me “you should do this - you should do that,” but most of the time I didn’t listen. Tune into yourself, listen and trust.

TUNE INTO YOURSELF, LISTEN AND TRUST. Amen, sister.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

An On The Go Glow technician can be booked in the Los Angeles or Las Vegas areas via their website at www.onthegoglowmobile.com

When Expectation Versus Inspiration Gets The Best Of You...

I met with my spiritual mentor at the end of last week for some guidance in what to do next with my business. Like anything, building a business takes time and can definitely make my human self go batshit crazy if I get too caught up in the thoughts around when certain things will start rolling in the way I want them to (and can I tell you how irritating it can be to be challenged by your thinking when you're aware it's only your thinking?!) After some new tools to take me to the next level with things, I had insights galore...

He asked me straight - “Which do you think is the more appropriate pace - with space for lessons, insights and learning -  for all that you want out of your career? Your timeline? Or theirs?” (Their's meaning the Universe, Universal Mind, Greater Intelligence, Guides... whatever floats your boat).

Of course, I immediately said with no question “Theirs.” (Whew, sweet relief - I guess I needed the reminder).

We went on to discuss how we as humans have the need to speed things up - ESPECIALLY when we have an expectation of ‘where we should be by now.’ It doesn’t matter if we’re talking career, relationships, changes in health, changes in weight, growing a family, or improved living conditions - once we have our mind set on a goal, we tend to then have an expectation of it being achieved or obtained as quickly as possible, and we make ourselves go mental in the meantime. An interesting thought that my husband Mike so simply and insightfully observed about expectation is that we often click in to more sped-up thinking that creates a negative energy around not having, or not having achieved, that thing yet. We spend our days ruminating over how close we are to it (or how far away we are from it), what we could be doing more of to obtain it quicker, judging all the things we think are getting in our way, or worse off - speeding through all these thoughts which throw you into a thought storm of - is this thing I so badly desire that I feel is right for me even going to happen!?! (I can’t tell you how many people I know that get themselves trapped in that belief! "Is it really possible for me to achieve all that I believe is possible?" YES!).

But here’s the thing - the more you ruminate on all these thoughts because of your expectation, you will most certainly take yourself out of the action that would MOST CERTAINLY get you to exactly where you want to go. As I’ve observed in myself and many others, having an expectation brings on a bit of complacency, a very counter intuitive sense of inaction in the face of something that most definitely needs your action! And on top of it all, because you're going in circles in your thinking, you're missing the beautiful moments in life that are happening right under your nose and not allowing wisdom to come through!

Am I saying to grind away at everything you think you need to do to make a dream or goal come to fruition to fight the pangs of expectation? Absolutely not. This is where inspiration comes in. What I know from experience, and what Mike also chimed in on through his observation of me and himself, is when a goal or dream breathes inspiration into your being, the complete opposite of what I have described as expectation happens. When I am inspired to achieve something, I am motivated, EXCITED, full of joy - and moved to action. And not moved to action because I have forced myself to do so, but an action that is naturally curated from my excited, inspired, creative feeling that is burning inside me.

Expectation creates more chaotic thinking, inspiration comes straight from your wisdom.

For further evidence of this, keep reading...

I first met with my spiritual teacher turned mentor in November of 2016. At the time, I was pretty miserable at my job feeling lower than I had ever felt before. I learned later my state of mind had nothing to do with my job and everything to do with my thinking around it, but long story short, I wasn’t following my soul-pull purpose and I hadn’t clearly discovered it yet either, so I was feeling quite lost. My mentor had an insight that I would have to be at my job for about another year, and at the time, that sounded like a prison sentence, but I kept listening. He sensed I had lessons to learn about myself within that timeframe and if I forced myself into another job, all the problems I deemed to be issues with my current job would rear their ugly head somewhere else. He also knew that my purpose would begin to become more clear and he advised that I begin to write, journal, study and read everything I could about how to create my own work to share with the world. I knew I wanted to help people. I knew I wanted to help them understand that their thinking was what was driving them crazy because I had had a little bubble of insight into my own experience of life that that was what was creating my sadness - but it was just a bubble, a flicker of light that made me curious, and he wanted me to follow it. (<-- As I do now for people, he was serving as a guide to my own wisdom since I was under SO many layers of depressive chaotic thinking).

So there I was, completely inspired for what was to come. The burn had worn off that I was sentenced to another year at my job because I could clearly see the purpose of the time needed - I was also completely motivated to not allow any more time than a year to pass before I made the next move. Every day I wrote, read, watched videos - I even attended the most incredible workshop on a tiny little island off of Vancouver to deepen my understanding of the 3 Principles - an understanding that my work is based in. I was in pure bliss. So much so that any time a thought would come up like “What if an opportunity doesn’t show up for you to do your work and leave your job” or “What if you have to stay at your job longer” - my inspiration and resolve was so deeply woven into my being that I allowed those thoughts to pass and they didn’t trigger me whatsoever. I trusted, surrendered, and kept it moving.

Cut to July of 2017 I visited with my mentor again. I wanted to check in to see if I was on course (I knew I was.. my thinking was quieting and leaving room for my wisdom to inform me, but this was a big leap and I was grateful for his input). Sure enough, he intuited that I was ahead of schedule, I had learned all I needed to, and I had done the work to prepare myself for my leap of faith. We talked about my classes that I had planned to teach, and the money I could expect to make. Looking back, my intuition, my wisdom, was telling me something was off about this financial goal/expectation, but the carrot was dangling and I was ready to grab it.

When it came to finally taking the leap from my job, I continued to be inspired by the feeling of excitement of that day coming closer. Any time I would have fearful thinking around it, I would let it pass and I would trust that my wisdom would let me know when that day would be. It’s important to note that at this point, any fearful thinking about finances would also get blitzed by my trust (and frankly, my expectation) that I was going to have great financial return pretty soon after l left my job (even though I still had a little nagging feeling that it wasn’t totally right).

It’s 3am on a Wednesday turning Thursday night at the end of August. I can’t sleep so I’m journaling my random thoughts and BOOM - a lightening strike courses through me and I blurt out loud, "30 days - it’s time to give my 30 days notice". I had no ‘job’ set up, just plans on teaching my class, but I knew I had to make the leap. As life unfolds for you when you are following that inner compass and wisdom, when I told my husband and family, they were in complete support and when I met with my boss, she so graciously offered me part time work on projects I could do from home while I built my business. I couldn’t have had a more graceful and peaceful transition - and it was just under a year from when I had set off on this journey, just as my mentor had suspected.

Now, to this day, I’m not sure if he had planted the financial gains idea into my mind for the little extra push of bravery, or if his intuitive timeline was just a bit off - either way, he isn’t God and I shouldn’t have put any expectations on what he had shared with me, especially since my own gut didn’t feel completely right about it (our own wisdom knows what's best!). But since what I had experienced from the first go-around was so incredible and came true, I couldn’t help but have such expectations!

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

Before having the insight that every moment of this last 8 months has been for a greater purpose and on the timeline of the Universe (not my own), the expectation for bigger financial success (ahem... just a thought that I adopted from my mentor) was providing such fear of it not coming to fruition at all, that I became energetically stuck. My wisdom kept peeking through but I didn't know how to put it into action. I now see that the past 8 months since I took the leap from my job have been absolutely needed for this insight among many others. I no longer teach my work in a weekly group class setting as I had planned. It may come back around at some point but my gut was telling me ‘this is close, but it’s not it.” I’ve had to switch up my business plan because I LOVE doing private sessions. My work is absolutely informative and life-changing in a group setting, that’s why I love to do workshops and have been asked to continue working with the kids at LA County High School for the Arts, but to remove the anchors of specific old beliefs that people have in a session, to see their eyes light up because in an instant their whole life changes and their success skyrockets because of it? That’s the juice I was looking to squeeze. And I couldn't have gotten here without the journey behind me. Sometimes our wisdom is very clearly screaming at us, but when we have set expectations (aka thinking) in our way that looks really real, we need the reminder that it isn't.

Ahhhh... the look of how it feels when you release your grip on your thinking!

Since meeting with him again last week and getting more of a business plan down, l am re-inspired. I’m completely full of love and light and joy and excitement for what’s to come because I have the clear steps ahead of me bringing me peace of mind, therefore allowing my wisdom to continue guiding me. When we honor our wisdom, we get more information, we continue to stay inspired, we continue to feel filled-up with love and joy because we are honoring our inner knowing; And when we feel all of these things, we are in alignment with our path, with the Universe’s blueprint, and the road will continue to rise up to meet us.

All my love and see you next week,
Jessie

Your Guide To Self-Love

Is there a difference between loving yourself and liking yourself?

I got this question in a text this morning from a best friend of mine who was curious about my opinion, and I had so many insights bubble up.

What I know for sure is that love is a constant. It isn't a state of mind or something that comes and goes - LOVE in and of itself is always there. The only reason we don't feel it now and again is because we are distracted by our self-critical mind. Picture sitting next to a beautiful flowing stream. It's so quiet all around that you can hear the bubbling of the water as it twists and turns around the pebbles and rocks. There's a rainbow-like hue just above the stream from the sun hitting the light mist that's hovering just above the water. And yet, you have your back turned to to this beautiful stream and you're analyzing the dark clouds you see off in the distance, wondering if they're headed in your direction. That stream of love is still there, even when you're looking away and giving more attention to your fearful thought storms, you're just momentarily (or not so momentarily) turned away from it - your awareness is shifted, but it's there, quietly bubbling along.

Unfortunately, as so many of us have experienced time and time again, we allow those self-critical thought storms to get in the way of loving OURSELVES... often. Maybe we can get to a peaceful enough place to turn sideways to the stream to see and feel love for others, or we momentarily dangle our feet in the stream, feeling full of love for an experience. But when it comes down to holding up a mirror to ourselves and being able to say, "I love every bit of what I see - my heart, my humor, my light.. my imperfections, my cracks and creases, my patience and my impatience - I'm in love with every bit of it." We often times put ourselves dead last on the love list. We are so quick to beat ourselves up, to judge ourselves for things we aren't doing correctly, for not understanding things quick enough or for our impatience and not trusting the flow of life! We get in the boxing ring with our intellect and try to outdo ourselves, with ourselves. When in reality, when we fill ourselves up first, when we follow the little nudge from inside (our wisdom), when we give ourselves GRACE - we immediately shift to a place of peace and understanding. As I said above, we auto-correct to our natural state of LOVE.

Energetically speaking, when we're in this state of peace, understanding, grace = LOVE, we are open to see the breadcrumbs from the Universe, we have room to accept more love - whether that be in the form of another human being, friendships, that promotion we've wanted, the job shift we've been eager for, or life just simply feeling easy - even in the face of circumstances that give the illusion of hardship. When we are in alignment with ourselves, we are in alignment with ALL - with Mind (greater intelligence of all things, the energy of all things), the Universe. Our self-love truly governs and is the root to all facets of our life.

Are you wondering how to have self-love? Logically it makes sense to you, but when you really think about it it sounds a little out there and not completely possible? Here's the thing, when you get in the drivers seat of your thinking - when you start to connect that your feelings come from your thinking 100% of the time, you'll know that when you feel off in your body, that is a warning sign from your bod to your intellect that you're believing your thoughts that aren't true - you have the opportunity and freedom to choose to observe your thoughts in that moment, instead of being triggered by them. You create an immediate distance between you and the chaos trying to wreak havoc in your mind, and that in itself will make you more peaceful. You are human, so sometimes you'll get sucked into the storm before you even recognize the moment of choice. But again, allowing yourself grace, seeing your thinking for what it is, will bring you back to that peaceful place and the moldy thinking will pass - it always does the moment it's diffused.

Next step would be to do something that you love to do that may even make you feel challenged. At least once a week, do this. It can't be going to the gym (even if you love it), or something that is career related - think of something you would love to do for YOURSELF, something that may have piqued your interest before, but you always stop yourself with "logical" thoughts. I guarantee you it will bubble up immediately if you ask yourself "What would be a fun thing to do for myself once a week" - catch it, don't let your thoughts tell you it's nuts or that you don't have time or money. A pottery class? Horseback riding? Boxing? Setting goals for longer walks or runs? Crochet? Music lesson? Swimming? Roller skating? Dancing? Cooking? Baking? The feeling of accomplishment and joy that will beam from your insides will create a shift IMMEDIATELY. The peace, the joy, the calm, the light that is created, opens up the information highway inside of you that will allow you to walk the blueprint of your life that is already drawn - and boy is it exciting and wonderful.

Are you hanging in there with me? Here's the thing, as I say to my clients and in every workshop or talk I give, allow this information to flow through you, just drink it in. Just reading all of this is naturally opening up your understanding of it all. The insights are already at work. It's hard for us as human beings to not conceptualize, intellectualize and therapize ourselves into oblivion. But again, that's just more thoughts about our thoughts that create stress and anxiety. Just don't go there, ok?

Lastly, as my friend asked, is liking ourselves the same as loving ourselves? For a moment I thought, "well surely we can have a moment amongst loving ourselves where we don't like ourselves." But the reality is, at our core, when we have love for ourselves, in the moments where we might think it's ok to not like ourselves, we're purely just off course of our wisdom and believing our thinking. For example, this same friend and I were texting a few days ago and in response to something sweet we were talking about I wrote back #METOO. In the moment I wrote it, I got a little funny feeling in my belly - it didn't feel right - 'Me, too' would have sufficed, but I sent it anyway. That funny feeling in my belly was my wisdom saying to not do it (the #METOO movement is very important to me, so it was a bummer to diminutize it). I went against myself, therefore not coming from a place of love and full circle: not liking myself. Did I beat myself up for it? No. I just thought "that was a bummer" and left it. But it bubbled up every once in a while for the rest of the day, so I finally text my friend back in the evening and said, "I wish I would've just said 'Me, too!'" We had a laugh because in the big picture we both knew I wasn't being a turd about the movement, I was doing the best with my thinking in that moment which told me 'oh, it's kind of clever' when my gut felt off, but I appreciated her listening nonetheless.

So is there a difference between loving yourself and liking yourself? It feels to me, in this moment, that they are mutually exclusive. As my friend so insightfully said to my response to her "Love is the foundation to the building and like is what can be built on top" - exactly. And it's all flowing, moment to moment. The more we swim in the self-love stream, the deeper our resolve to care for ourselves first before we beat ourselves up.

Get in that stream dear friends, lap it up. It's always there, even if you aren't looking at it, but life's too short to just be aware of it's presence as opposed to enjoying every possible joy-full moment that you could be playing around in all of it's sparkling, rainbow-hued glory.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

My Excalibur Is My Strength As Much As It Is My Weakness

I totally stole the title of this article from my husband. But in all fairness, he was talking about me. And he's right.

What is my Excalibur? My entire life, no matter what I've been engaged in - school, my dance career, my career at the agency, and now my business - once I have a goal in my mind and I can see the big picture, I am full-out with my energy towards obtaining that big picture and I climb the ladder to get there hard and fast (at least that's the illusion that my mind creates). I constantly think about what I could be doing to strategically prove that I'm capable of more responsibility or being promoted or hired. But here's the thing, the deeper into this understanding I get with every day that passes by, I've observed myself creating an immense feeling of internal pressure because of all my thinking that gets created from this mindset. Because the reality is, it's just more thinking.

I have to be honest - I've recently been thrown off my own scent a bit. Meaning, I didn't realize I was creating this pressure! Several months ago, I had already recognized and appreciated that that pressure feeling was something I used as fuel in the past - when I felt totally spent I just excused it all by thinking "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" – if the situation becomes difficult, the strong will work harder to meet the challenge, and I was that person! Proudly! It's such a natural second gear for many of us - it's our cultural norm, really. But what's incredible is that with this understanding of the mind, I had been observing my thinking, not getting triggered by it, so I no longer felt that pressure (I thought!). Until the other day I was so focused on big picture goals, I was staring off into space with a concerned look on my face and my husband Mike snapped me out of it. My internal pressure feeling had changed - it no longer brought feelings of anxiety and I still felt a sense of peace within, but it was a weight nonetheless...

I don't know about you, but I'd rather walk through my days looking and feeling like this...

Little Jess... sometime in the 80's

I was heading towards this bigger realization last week, as I had had an AHA moment where I was feeling this pressure (without recognizing it as that yet). I just felt worn out, wishing more things were unfolding faster and my brain wanted to question the greater Universal intelligence that we all live within. If my wisdom knew what I was headed for, opportunity wise, if I could see it AND I could feel it, why did I feel so challenged? Why was life feeling 'difficult' and my patience wearing thin? Then the AHA - if the Universe is always working in our best interest (which it is), and our feelings come from our thinking 100% of the time (which they are), this worn out and impatient feeling I was living in was completely self-created and was an opportunity (more like a big ol' slap across the face from the Universe) for me to go inside and see it. What a lesson.

It always boils back down to the very basics of this understanding, and I will be the first to willingly raise my hand to say that being human means being seduced by my surroundings from time to time. But the reality is, it's simple. Always simple. As Elsie Spittle says in her new book, The Path to Contentment:

"Innate wisdom is a spiritual fact - it's not just an idea or concept. At the same time that wisdom is of spiritual essence, wisdom is also extremely practical. (...) Over time, as I began to see more about the inner workings of my mind, I could see wisdom come to life for me and guide me in my day to day living. It was a natural outcome of simply enjoying my life and not trying to figure everything out with my intellect.  I discovered that the more I lived in the present, the more wisdom was released from inside me so that it became my companion and help-mate."

I just had an insight. I've experienced this so clearly in my relationship with my husband, Mike. To this day, I trust and surrender to it's flow without ever getting my thinking in the way. When we met, he had just left a gnarly relationship of a few years and really didn't feel ready to jump back into something. We had spent three blissful hours talking right after we met, there was no denying we had found something special, so in classic Jessie form, I made the first call the day after that long conversation trying to force my way in. He knew we had something too, so we made the decision to literally check in with each other every day. Folks have asked me, "Weren't you guys nervous you'd check in one day and one of you would say you're not into it anymore? That would be heartbreaking!" And the reality is, yeah, that was a total possibility, but neither of us ever got into our thoughts about it. In hindsight, we were just trusting the feeling and we knew what we had felt really good and right. We didn't even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend for months, but it didn't matter. We just enjoyed the hell out of each and every moment, and each day kept leading to the next. Nearly 15 years later, I can't believe I'm just seeing this. Proof right under my nose that the more you enjoy life and follow your wisdom, that gut feeling, life will continue to unfold for you, every step of the way.

Sweet relief. I've come back home. Back to myself. Back to enjoying life and following my inner promptings of what to do next, then taking those steps when they come to me. The blueprint is already drawn, there's no need to use my intellect, my over-thinking and over-analyzing, to make me feel as though I'm doing more, accomplishing more or that I could be doing more and accomplishing more. Because the plain fact of the matter is, the more your intellect gets in your way in that matter, it can create the illusion that you're falling short because your head is 10 steps ahead in the blueprint, while wisdom is happily guiding you along at the pace you're meant to be at. Additionally, each step taken provides more information for the next. Something that our intellect could never 'figure out' for us, that's why the surrender to the feeling inside is so important.

My Excalibur is no longer my weakness, it just has a new responsibility - keep dreaming big, but slow down, follow my wisdom and enjoy the view. God that makes me excited, you?

All my love, see you next week!

Jessie

Taking The Leap! An Interview With Aida Bernal Of Spellbound Entertainment

"What I do isn't just help people get jobs, I'm helping people's dreams come true. That's something that I honor and take very seriously."

This from the mouth of the woman who my best friend and client of Aida, Natalia Cordova-Buckley, calls Mama Shark. The woman knows the entertainment business like the back of her hand (her experience in the industry is mind blowing), she's incredibly passionate about her work and her clients, and has a heart bigger than the size of Texas.

I first met Aida a few years back through Natalia when she joined Natalia's efforts to spearhead the industry in Hollywood. Natalia's intention was to eclipse the overtly sexualized stereotypical roles that the industry so quickly throws Mexican women in, which in regards to the culture of Hollywood, can unfortunately be no small feat. I remember being in awe of the team they had created; They were on a mission, hand-in-hand, to find roles that represented a strong and empowered Latina. With pitch after pitch, Aida was getting Natalia in rooms that took her talent and intention seriously. Cut to Natalia most recently wrapping season 5 as the first Latina superhero on television (or any other medium, for that matter) on Marvel's Agents of Shield, I would say this team has broken through a glass ceiling.

This is Aida. This is her mission for each and every one of her clients.

Photography by Cammy Kinney

So how did Aida get to the point of Taking The Leap into becoming manager extraordinaire? "Since I was young, working at the cash register at my parents store, I knew I would have my own thing. I didn't know what exactly, but I had the feeling." I can detect a deep sense of appreciation she has towards her parents for modeling what it looked like to be an entrepreneur, having their own store on the historic Olvera Street in Los Angeles. The love they shared between each other and for their business started the fire, and as she grew older, she knew she wanted to work in entertainment and work with artists.

When her first entertainment job as a stylist's assistant got her to music video sets, her fire grew bigger and the vision started to narrow. Every single job that followed, she says, led her to where she is today (be prepared for this killer resume): Queen Latifah's music management company Flavor Unit/West Coast (this wet her taste buds for management), MCA Records (where she heard the advice of a lifetime from an A&R executive, "Look at this like college - you're getting paid to learn. When you leave here you'll know what you want and what you don't want"), then finally, several years at the production company for one of the superstars of our generation, Jennifer Lopez.

As I experienced myself, taking the leap from a regular job to work for yourself is a spiritual experience. After collecting information and insights, the wisdom bubbles up out of no where that it's time to leap, and for Aida, though she considered herself a linear person who would have things more planned out (SAME HERE), the insight smacked her upside the head in the shower one day that it was time to go and she had to listen. It was time for her to step two feet into her own company...

Aida: I had friends and acquaintances tell me I was crazy, but when you know, you know! If I can share one thing with the world that I learned from that process: We need to be better supporters of each other. If someone is telling you their ideas for a big move in their life, whether it be writing a cook book or going out on their own in business, it is your job as the listener to empower them instead of fueling the embers of fear. You don't know where they are in their process - you don't know where on the ladder they are. If they're further down the line and are grounded, then it may not matter, but if they're a baby chick beginning to hatch and you come at them with your 'logical' fearful thoughts, you've just crushed their spirit.

AMEN, sister! Speaking to Aida about her work now, you can feel every bit is coming from her guts. Her passion is immense and so inspiring.

Aida: I feel very blessed to be able to run my own company, work from my gut, my intuition, and though I've always done that in every entertainment job I've had, being on my own, there's no politics or bureaucracy between me and the client or potential client.

Jessie: You're able to run your business from your wisdom, no holds barred! The core of your business, the ground that you stand on, because you choose people from that heart connection, from that gut instinct, it's inevitable for everything to blossom - from your clients careers to your career as a manager/producer. I feel like you can see the potential in your clients before they can see it for themselves.

A: Yes! It's all about listening to their story, listening to their history. When they demonstrate their drive and passion for whatever it is they want to do, that's what makes me engage. Those are the kind of people I look to work with, the ones that inspire me. Not just because they're great actors, but because they're good people going after their dreams. It's really not that complicated, it's really quite simple.

J: Do you find yourself getting emotionally invested in your clients since you're so involved in the day to day of their dreams?

A: I can't manage at a distance. I've been told by industry and non-industry people that you shouldn't become too attached to your clients because this business is brutal, this business is ruthless - I didn't get into this business to have that mentality. I came into this business for the love of what I do and the passion for seeing something through from beginning to end.

J: I can see the connection here to your music days.

A: Yes, very similar to A&R (Artists and Repertoire) in the music business. They sign the band then see them all the way through. The recording, the marketing, the release of the album, the music video - there's all this process that happens before that act becomes what they become. For me with talent management, because I've done some developing (which a lot of reps don't want to do), I will meet with someone and when there's that spark on a human to human basis, and the cherry on top is that they happen to be brilliant artists, to me, that's what matters. You sign the human being behind the actor. For me, it's not just about these really talented people, it's about having a real, personal connection.

A: (cont'd) When it comes to the relationship, I'm the one that has to process the 'no' before I speak to my client. It can be difficult especially when it has nothing to do with my client. I have to make sure I'm in a place where I can deliver that info so it can be received well. There are times where I've had to deliver three 'no's' in one day, and that's just a fragment of my day (due to meetings, submissions, pitches, etc), but then there's times I get to deliver three 'yes's' - I have to be ready for all of it. I deal with the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Learning how to manage the lows is the real key because being an artist is one of the most vulnerable things you can be. I'm known to be protective of my clients because when you're putting your artistry out there, everyone is going to judge (especially in the age of social media), there's no way of getting around that. So it's so important that those of us who work with talent whether it's agents, managers, publicists, even attorneys - to have that in the back of our brain. Knowing when you need more heart and less business.

Whew! What an incredible human, and what an advocate to have on your side as an artist on this roller coaster of an industry. What I love most about Aida's story is that she has literally followed her wisdom her entire career. Through each endeavor, without hesitation, she did the work, managed the ups and downs and moved on to the next step when her insides prompted her to. Now, I'm sure she would agree that she's human and every twist and turn felt overwhelming at times, but in hindsight, she was being guided from the inside-out. As she said, she is very blessed to be able to run her own company. From my perspective, because of her bravery and surrender to the process, even if she wasn't fully aware of the magic at the time, is why she is where she is. And guess what? Whether you're in the industry or just trying to figure out your next step in life, know that you can have a journey like Aida's the moment you choose to. The answer is inside, just allow it to bubble and it'll smack you upside the head in the shower one day too, I guarantee it.

Aida wanted to share some parting advice for incoming artists:

Do everything you can to be the best artist you can be, {hone your craft} as a musician, painter, actor, etc because that is all YOU. {And YOU are who the world needs!} As SNL's Michael Che says (not verbatim), "Don't put your goals into something or someone (in my actors cases an example would be a hiring 'body' like a Network or studio), because it can be taken away. Make your goals ABILITY based." Tune out the noise, and keep going.

And finally, the gem she left me with in all of her Mama Shark glory...

"I color outside the lines, and so do all the people I work with. We are the disruptors, we have something to give to the world. I already know how talented my clients are, the rest of the world just needs to catch up."

May we all have an Aida in our corner.

All my love to you and see you next week,

Jessie

Spellbound Entertainment is a management and production company. You can see Aida's clients in Agents of Shield, Mayans MC (Sons of Anarchy spin-off), Narcos, Sense8 and more. The first film produced by Spellboud Entertainment called STARFISH is in post production. It's written/directed & produced by UK client Al White and also produced by Aldo Jovan.

The Illusion Of Fear

"Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships, but in their ability to understand them when they occur." ~Sydney Banks

Text from mom:

Hi Jess, Charley (the Dr.) recommended me for a Cochlear Implant. Being referred to UCD (UC Davis) to the Cochlear Implant team. Charley is going to be there through the whole process from the testing through the surgery.

{I'm stunned! I'm so happy for her, but I don't feel at ease. I want to call right away, but we had planned to chat the next day so I respond}:

Omg mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's amazing!! How do you feel?

Mom:

Yep! Excited and a little sad. When I get the implant I won't be able to hear anyone's voice as it is now. I will only hear chipmunks but I will be able to understand everyone. I will explain the process when you and I chat tomorrow. (smiley face)

{Instant sadness hit me in my chest and gut, my mom won't be able to hear my voice anymore... I can hardly breathe at the idea. Of course, I called.}

As I'm sure you've experienced at one point or another, whether with a family member or dear friend, there's that moment when you get news that feels scary and the world stops. It doesn't matter what you're doing, you're immediately brought to the moment and nothing else matters any more. It's been quite the journey with mom's hearing and potential implant, and I was immediately elated when I had thoughts of her understanding conversation, especially group conversation, which had become more and more difficult for her to follow. But fearful thoughts were lingering about what this change could mean for her after I received the first text, then BOOM the second text came through about not being able to hear my voice the way it is - evidence for my fearful thinking - and there came the instant sadness and anxiety.

"This is the moment" I thought, "where I could choose to not suffer from my fearful thinking. That is where my sadness is coming from. Mom's actually OK."

I literally had a flash of seeing my thinking for what it was, that it was just that.. thoughts, not real life. An illusion. I recognized that mom had more information that I needed to hear before I could believe the scary pictures in my head. Anxiety is purely our bodies reaction to pictures we're believing about the unknown future, and because we aren't there yet, we feel out of control - and like in slow motion but the blink of an eye, that all became so evident to me in that moment. Once I got clarity, I was immediately and without effort brought back to a peaceful feeling, therefore allowing me to hear what my wisdom said was best.. to not wait til the next day to call, but instead to call her in that moment.

Because I took care of myself by observing my thinking and calling immediately, I was in a peaceful state of mind when I got on the phone with her. Of course I'm a human being, so I still got sad thinking about her not hearing my voice the way it is now, but we were able to have new fresh thinking that provided insights into her upcoming experience. We talked about how the implant will only be on one side, with a hearing aid on the other, so she could potentially turn off the implant and I could get right in her face and sing my fool head off so she could hear my actual voice if she wanted (that idea made us giggle til we were out of breath). We considered how the brain re-trains itself so who knows if she'll even remember that she's missing out on certain tones in voices, and most importantly, she'll be able to understand conversation again like she hasn't in years. That point in and of itself filled us both up with complete and utter joy and excitement for what will become possible for her.

In hindsight, it had become so normal to 'deal' with her hearing loss (both for her and for me) that any thoughts about her current state of hearing or lack thereof had become thoughts I very innocently didn't pay attention to any more. I'm grateful to a point because being that our feelings come from our thoughts 100% of the time, if I had become obsessive about her state of hearing in my mind, I would be crippled emotionally. But because it has been so normal in my family to watch hearing progressively change and shift in different family members, I had learned to roll with it all. Mom was saying the same thing - it didn't occur to her how exhausted she had become from unconsciously lip-reading until her husband said he had an instinct that her hearing had gotten severely worse.

With her realization, I had an insight into my own experience with her from this past Christmas. I had recognized that she was beginning to get the same look on her face as my grandpa - I could see that she was no longer putting in effort to keep up with the banter (because it was so exhausting), and instead sat at the table in the bliss of loving and observing her family. My gut told me then that something was different, she was content, but things were different - but because I had gotten so used to her hearing loss and any thoughts going through my head related to it, I didn't speak up on my instinct.

Isn't that amazing?!

Our minds are incredible - we can so easily get hooked by thoughts that look scary, especially if they're based in the unknown. But when we're in a routine - and this applies to our day-in and day-out routines that include habitual thoughts that we think EVERY day - we disengage from what our gut, our wisdom, is telling us. The feeling is different in our bodies when we think these thoughts and our wisdom has new information about them, yet we disown the feeling because we honor our habitual thinking more so - it's familiar, it knows our routine, so why even consider a different perspective? (I can tell you now that it's less scary and feels safer to stick to the old thinking, even if that thinking keeps us in a funk... that's an article for another day).

To wrap up, like what Sydney Banks is pointing to in the quote at the top: you cannot stop life, it's a contact sport and you are not in control of what happens. BUT you are in control of your thinking - as much as it feels like we are our thinking, we're not. It's an energy that flows that brings pictures in technicolor and our feelings come from those pictures and our reactions to them, 100% of the time. With that understanding, as I shared in my experience at the top, you are naturally given the choice to stay peaceful when those life punches are being thrown at you. Of course you're a human being and you'll inevitably be reactive, especially when it comes to the health of our loved ones. But your suffering time, as mine was, can be shortened immensely. And when that happens, you are naturally brought back to a state of peace which allows you to connect to the heart of others, have fresh thinking, and insights have room to bubble up. And as mind boggling as it may seem, none of this takes work, it merely takes a deepening of an understanding of how the mind creates our experience of life...

...and that deepening is already at work within you after reading this, you can trust that to be true.

All my love, see you next week~

Jessie

Beautiful mama on my wedding day ~ Lauren Hurt Photography

Reflections (Not Sleepless) In Seattle

I just returned from a wonderful little vacation in Seattle, if you haven't been, I highly recommend taking a few days to visit. There are so many quaint experiences to be had: From the momentary bursts of rain that the locals refer to as 'spit' (because frankly, that's about as bad as it gets), to the endearing observation of when the sun comes out - the locals have a cow and say 'The mountain is out!' because they can see Mount Rainier that is normally disguised by looming fog and clouds. From the architecture, the art, and the food, to the beautiful juxtaposition of the city with it's ever-growing tech population amongst the nature that is being preserved within the city, as well as the immense evergreen forests, mountains and water that surrounds it (the views from the Space Needle and other high points in the city such as Queen Anne Hill are to die for).

I found myself reflecting on my interactions with the world while I was staring off into the majestic Puget Sound, watching boats of every size moving like ballerinas across The Drink (another colloquialism from a local). Each boat left a different wake behind it, some left a little frothy trail and some left a huge dip in the water, with overflow creating a rip tide for everyone trailing behind. There is a wonderful saying that I heard from another dear 3 Principles practitioner, Barbara Patterson, that was so apropos to the moment...

What is the wake you leave behind you when you interact with the world?

Isn't that a fabulous question for reflection? It isn't about walking on egg shells because you don't want to bother anyone and create a wake - it's an opportunity to take in and observe the experience others have of you as you walk through life. Without creating more thinking around how you should be, or judgement on how you've been, just take in the understanding that you always leave a trail of influence behind you, a feeling, and just having that idea in mind will begin to open your eyes to it. You know how once you learn more about something, no matter how big or small, your understanding naturally widens? Your world gets bigger just by gaining that knowledge? That's what I'm talking about here. Just by considering the question, What is the wake you leave behind you? Your perspective has already began to open up.

On that same idea but the flip side of the coin, have you ever noticed that you can often sense the feeling behind what someone is saying more than what is coming out of their mouth? Start to pay attention to it next time you interact with someone. The deeper you get into the understanding that your thoughts are your own and that you have your own experience of life unfolding in your head that no one else is privy to except you, the more you'll effortlessly want to be in the moment and experience the person in front of you in real time, as opposed to seeing them through the lens of your thinking that is mucking up their shine. Like I was sharing earlier, the awareness alone naturally brings you to the moment and allows for connection from your heart to the heart of others. You can clearly hear the intention behind what they're saying, then connection, magic and love unfolds. Truly! Even with the banker who is having a bad day and is a bit snippy with you: When you aren't in your world of thought during the interaction (aka: "Geez, he's crabby, he doesn't have to be treating me this way, should I tell a supervisor? Ugh, he's moving so slow, this is such an easy transaction!") you can sense what is up with them, that it isn't personal to you, and have empathy and love. Again, there is nothing to 'do' here, just the awareness opens your eyes to how you interact - where you're coming from when you speak to others and the influence you leave behind - both being the ever important feeling that leads to connection.

We returned from Seattle on Friday and over the weekend I was experiencing that energy drain that comes after vacation - you know the feeling, I need a vacation from my vacation? Yes, that one. And my dear husband Mike kept inquiring on if I was ok or not, if I needed something or if he needed to talk me out of my proverbial tree. Each time he would ask me, I would go inside, take a look around to make sure I wasn't overthinking anything or stressing about life. And each time I would recognize that I was truly peaceful feeling, I was just literally drained of energy (unusual for the old me, the old me would sense something off inside of me then I'd instantly get spun up about different things I thought I should be worrying about. But as the understanding of how my mind works has gone deeper, the more peaceful I've become - HALLELU!) Admittedly however, each time he would ask me, my thoughts would get a little more wound up around wishing he'd leave me alone because the inquiring was triggering me to analyze more and more - to look for dirt that didn't exist. So in that moment, I observed my thinking and saw that I was beginning to get irritated thoughts when the feeling behind what he was saying was purely love and care. Full stop. Instantly and without effort I was then able to speak to that feeling, because I felt it too. I was able to thank him for how much he cared for my well being and that each time he inquired actually made my mind want to jump off a cliff that didn't exist, so being quiet and hanging out together was all the fix I needed. What an incredible relief that was to him, and to me. It's incredible how much crap we create when we are listening through the noise of our busy minds as opposed to our peaceful heart.

With all of this reflecting I leave you with this: It's all in a feeling. When we're in touch with the feeling, we naturally are moved to it's attention and out of our distracting thoughts. We are all connected, we are all moving through life trying to make sense of our own personal thought world, even though it looks like we're trying to make sense of the world around us. The closer we are to ourselves, our home, the closer we are to each other.

Here's a little snippet of our ride down the Space Needle to give you a sense of the beauty of Seattle (and a quick hi from our very cheery elevator host who was in the greatest of moods because 'the mountain was out'). And yes... I added the tunes.

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

Taking The Leap! An Interview with Adrienne Borlongan of Wanderlust Creamery

Back when I was grinding away at my career as a professional dancer, I was working at a snazzy sushi restaurant in Brentwood, California, a posh suburb of Los Angeles that was home to every A-list actor and influential film producer in town. Tom Hanks called me Jess, I knew Leslie Mann & Judd Apatow's order by heart, Lupita Nyong'o was so stunning I could hardly look at her and Jim Carrey showed me hilarious home videos on his cell phone.. just to name (drop) a few. However, what had stuck with me the most after leaving that job was this lovely human being who was a genius behind the bar: she kept her cool when she needed ten more hands, would make up recipes for unique cocktails that would jet-set me to a beach in Mexico or a high rise in Hong Kong, and of course, was as kind as they come.

One day while working a slow lunch shift, we got to talking over these DELICIOUS macaroons that she had made and brought in to share. I'm telling you, when I get the chance to visit Paris, I guarantee you after my first bite into a Parisian macaroon I'll say to myself "Nope, Adrienne's are better!" Every taste took me to a different experience in my mind because her flavors, like her cocktails, were inspired by her travels and love for different cultures. The texture was perfect, like puffy clouds with a tender crunch as I took each bite, and the love she poured into them was palatable. She shared that she was a food science graduate from the same University I went to for Psychology (California State University, Northridge) and how she was inspired (she says obsessed) with the recipes of pastry chef Pierre Hermé, which is why I was snacking on these to-die-for treats. I was grateful I got to experience her macaroons and talent for mixology first hand but I had a sense the Universe had bigger plans for her.

Cut to a few years later where I've kept up with Adrienne via social media, and to my elated surprise, I witnessed her progressively share photos and updates of her opening her own artisanal ice cream shop. With flavors inspired by none other then the places she's traveled to, destinations she longs to visit and childhood memories, THIS (in my humble opinion) is where she's been headed and guided to her entire life. Alongside her partner JP, a former litigation attorney turned entrepreneur who would take the role of operations for the company, came Wanderlust Creamery (can we take a moment of silence for how apropos the name is?! Nailed it.) I now have words for the feeling I got while watching her life unfold for her. She had followed her wisdom, her gut instinct, her resolve to follow that instinct was so strong she didn't believe the opinions of her thoughts, and had taken the leap. What a risk, what bravery. But when you know, you know... and she surrendered to the feeling. And because of her surrender, I could feel where she was creating from, I could feel that this business was coming straight from her gut.

It was she who inspired this series that will unfold intermittently throughout my Monday Musings, being a spearhead for the spotlights of all the incredible women in my life whose stories will no doubt be of inspiration to you and an opportunity to see your reflection in these change makers that I'm so lucky to be witness to. So without further ado, with an unheralded three stores in three years in the LA area, as well as a permanent spot in the hip Downtown LA food market Smorgasburg LA, I introduce Adrienne and her experience of what it was like to Take The Leap...

Jessie: What was your first instinct/insight about Wanderlust Creamery? The very first thought that bubbled up from your gut that made you think, "I could do that, in fact, I SHOULD do that!"?

Adrienne: I was on an ice cream kick in late 2014. I’d eat at a lot of artisanal ice cream places and while I loved the quality of the products, I thought the flavors were so boring. On the other hand, I’d frequent more exotic places, where I’d love the flavors, but find the ice cream quality really bad. In November of 2014 I was shopping for a home ice cream maker to make my own “exotic, but good quality” ice cream. I did a lot of researching and found the Cadillac of home ice cream makers: a Lelo Musso Pola gelato machine. It was $1300 because it qualified as commercial kitchen equipment. To justify the purchase, I kind of told people it was “an investment because I planned to open a ice cream shop”. I never really had an intention of doing that really- I just wanted to spend $1300 on a hobby and not feel guilty about it. After a week with my new obsession, I made my 2015 New Year’s Resolution to take the leap and finally open a food business.

J: Did you have any doubts? How did you continue to march forward with your vision while having those doubts?

A: I’ve always had doubts. To this very day, I still have them. I remember the moment I signed the lease for our first store- just 5 months after buying that gelato machine. It was time to put my feet to the fire. During the business planning in the months leading up to that moment, there was always a chance to chicken out. But in signing the lease, I was making myself financially liable if the business failed. There was no turning back. I thought to myself, “Whether or not it works out, I NEED to know how this all ends. If it doesn’t work out, then I need to find out sooner than later so I can get on with my life, and do something else.” I was terrified, yet I also had this burning curiosity to see what would happen next- good or bad. I also remember feeling a sense of surrender as if I had pre-accepted any failure that would come. It hasn’t come yet. (<-- Can we get an AMEN!?!)

J: How long did you have a side hustle before going all in?

A: I kept my part time bartending gig at a nightclub because it was a really lucrative side hustle and the hours were really flexible. It wasn’t until the first Spring after Wanderlust opened that the volume really picked up and I devoted all my time to my business.

J: Did you encounter any issues?

A: So many! Our walk-in freezer broke the week after we opened our first location. We spent half a day pouring our entire stock of ice cream (melted) down the drain.

J: How did things begin to unfold for you? Did you set goals for yourself and the business? Or did things unfold without your even thinking about it?

A: While I do set goals for the business, a lot of the most amazing things have happened without me even thinking about it.

J: What was your first "Oh shit, it's happening & working!" moment?

A: Everyone (bankers, other restaurateurs & entrepreneurs) told us we wouldn’t see a single cent of profit within our first year, and most likely wouldn’t even break even for the first six months. After the very first month of being open, we did our financials and we surprisingly were able to pay all the bills and labor with a teeny amount to roll over for the next month. It wasn’t a huge success, but it definitely was not the failure we braced for. It was a definite “Oh shit” moment for us.

J: What does your gut instinct feel like to you? What does your body and mind feel like when making decisions from this place?

A: I feel like I get my “gut instinct” in moments of defeat or tiredness where I throw my hands up in the air and say “eh whatever”. At the end of a struggle in a stressful situation, I’ll just kind of resign myself to not caring as much, and then I’ll have an epiphany. (<-- What I always talk about, guys! The moment you stop trying to figure out a solution and you look the other way, the calm that comes with that surrender allows for the fresh, creative thinking to support your wisdom to come through!)

J: Do you have any visions of Wanderlust's next move or expansion? Any further dreams or are you going to continue to let it unfold?

A: I tell myself everyday that it could all go away, so I have zero expectations of what will come next. I do however have one tiny wish: to have a Wanderlust Creamery at LAX airport. (<-- Uh, yes please! A delicious and fresh treat after a long day of travel? Additionally reminding you of where you just came from or inspiring you for your next vacation?! No brainer!)

J: Any other comments you think people should know about you, your experience, or taking the leap?

A: Aren’t you eager to find out if the “hunch” you had all your life was true or not? Wouldn’t you like to know now so you can stop wasting your time?

Yes, Adrienne, YES!

Dear reader, it is my hope that you have taken in Adrienne's story and can see yourself in her reflection. Female or male, teen or retired - each and every one of you are meant for something great, your VOICE is meant to be heard. No matter the field, career or service that may be of interest to you. No time is ever lost - if you have a feeling within you to start something new or try something new; To go after that idea you had years ago or want to explore a part of yourself your thoughts made you believe you couldn't before, go for it. Start to have an imagination around it in your mind, buy some tools, take a class, or start with a conversation about it with someone you trust. Just putting it in your ether allows the Universe to recognize that you're going for it, and life will begin to open up for you. I know this to be true - from personal experience as well as what you've heard here from Adrienne and the many women I'll be sharing to come. This series is to show you what's possible - that you don't have to be a millionaire to make it happen, that you don't have to wait til "things line up" to take the leap; That when something feels right, then it is right. You just have to take the steps to raise your vibrations and get things in motion - the rest is surrender and trust.

Finally, I'll leave you with a piece of Adrienne's story that made my jaw drop, gave me chills all over and brought tears to my eyes, even though things like this shouldn't surprise me anymore. After Adrienne was receiving press over the success of her first location, a distant family member got in touch to congratulate her on following in her grandfather's footsteps. Having not known her grandfather because he passed away many years before she was born, she didn't know what he was referring to...

...Turns out he was a flavor chemist for Magnolia Ice Cream, and she had no idea.

The Universe works in mysterious ways - when you get out of your own way and follow the feeling within you - magic happens.

See you next week,

Jessie

PS - For more info on Wanderlust Creamery locations and more, you can check out their website >HERE< and follow them on Instagram >HERE<.

PPS - Their ice cream is of course, DELICIOUS.

Adrienne and I at the opening of Wanderlust Creamery's third location in Venice, CA.

Here's To You, Peaceful Warrior

I have been on an incredible journey this week, with an awakening that is blossoming like a sea anemone when the tide begins to shift. I have had a unique relationship with this subject that has allowed me to be fully open like the anemone when it's tentacles are exposed in all of it's beauty, as well as shut down and in question of it, like when the anemone gets disturbed and completely closes up. Where am I now with it? Completely open, exposing all of it's beauty and vulnerability, in effortless flow with the sea.

What is the subject in question? Spirituality - And please for the love of all anemone's everywhere, keep reading, I promise not to bore you or go down any religious path (quite the opposite is true) - and coming from a woman who was raised without any specific religious or spiritual beliefs, you will more than likely see a small reflection of yourself whether you were raised with a religion or not.

As far as my previous religious/spiritual experience, I've had quite the hodgepodge to pull from. I've gone to an array of Christian Sunday services of different sects, Native American spiritual circles, a day of prayer in a Hindu temple, I camped on the side of a mountain for a week to explore deep meditation. When I was young, I had a curiosity for watching different types of sermons on Sunday morning TV, as well as rocked out to an LP of the inimitable Andrae Crouch while vacuuming my parent's living room.

Growing up there were conversations of Jesus being a great man who gave people belonging by telling his story, similar to so many other great leaders whether in religion or activism. It seemed to me that the folks writing down their stories were the one's that screwed up the feeling of it all. Heart, connection, love, understanding, belonging, a feeling that could be identified in music, dancing, paintings, ART - that is what was most important.

So why all of this backstory? Well frankly, I'm realizing as I type that I've been on quite the search my whole life for something that fits for me. I've always sensed there was something greater, it never felt right to think that we're these skin suits that walk around then get dumped in the earth when we're done grinding away our whole lives. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks this time last week.

I was with a dear mentor of mine who replied to me after asking about some blocks I've been feeling with my work: "You aren't accepting the spiritual."

WHAT?!

The 3 Principles behind our experience of life that is the base of my work is spiritual! I talk out my nose to you and my clients all day long about listening to your wisdom, to trust the Universe - if that ain't spiritual, I don't know what is!!!

But guess what? He was right.

The moment he said it and I got past my thought storm that spiraled from "he doesn't realize how far I've come....." there came the bricks. I could see and trust all of what I was saying for YOU, my readers and clients... but when it came to my life, I was still trying to teach the cooks in the kitchen how to make my food. In my meditations I had been having incredible experiences, insights deepening my resolve to continue this path of sharing my work no matter how difficult it seems (aka the reality of building a business, which really only looks difficult when in a bummer state of mind). But as soon as my eyes would open from meditation, the thoughts started flying and I couldn't completely release my grip on the blueprint of my life. I needed to know each step like the board game of LIFE in front of me. For you? For the people I see day-in and day-out? I was tapped in - I could see it - but I was too scared to completely surrender for myself.

Of course I'm human and will surely have to catch myself in all of my humanness in the future, but I've released my grip on my own innocent, getting-in-my-own-way experience of life. A veil has been lifted.  I can see all of the breadcrumbs from the Universe - the synchronicity and manifestations are so obvious that I almost have to look around to see if anyone else is noticing them too. And to add insult to injury (with the most positive of meaning behind that), just before this crack in my world exposed itself, I was drawn to pick up a book I've had on my bookshelf since my sophomore year of high school. It's the only book I read word for word back then, and I think it will be by my side for the rest of my life. As so eloquently written by Dan Millman in Way of the Peaceful Warrior, this perfectly sums up what I've always been seeking:

(A conversation between the Peaceful Warrior named Socrates and Dan, a college student in search)

"... you fear death and crave survival. You want Forever, you desire Eternity. In your deluded belief that you are this 'mind' or 'spirit' or 'soul,' you find the escape clause in your contract with mortality. Perhaps as 'mind' you can wing free of the body when it dies, hmm?"

"It's a thought," Dan said with a grin.

"That's exactly what it is, Dan - a thought - no more real than the shadow of a shadow. Consciousness is not in the the body; the body is in Consciousness. And you are that Consciousness - not the phantom mind that troubles you so. You are the body, but you are everything else, too. (...) Only the mind resists change. When you relax mindless into the body, you are happy and content and free, sensing no separation. Immortality is already yours, but not in the way you imagine or hope for. You have been immortal since before you were born and will be long after the body dissolves. The body is Consciousness; never born; never dies; only changes. The mind - your ego, personal beliefs, history, and identity - is all that ends at death. (...)"

Then the clincher...

"Words mean little unless you realize the truth of it yourself. And when you do, you'll be free at last."

So here's to you, Peaceful Warrior, I hope no matter where you lie on the spiritual spectrum, whether the only relationship you have to me is through reading my blogs or if I'm lucky enough to connect with you in person, I want nothing else in this life but for you to reach the peace of mind and freedom that comes with recognizing that our personal human thoughts are the only thing that get in the way of us being guided so effortlessly in this thing called life. Like the sea anemone, completely open, showing it's beautiful colors and swaying back and forth with every swish of the sea around her. And the beauty of it all...

...it was with me the whole time; In me, around me, of me..

...As it is within you, around you, and of you.

Thank you for reading such a meaningful post that comes straight from my heart to yours.

All my love,

Jessie
 

Urges Or Habits You Can't Break? This One's For You... And All Of Us

We ALL have something, if not multiple things, that we habitually do or have urges for throughout our days. We're human and it's how we've been taught to cope with the stressors of life. For example, do you zone out to TV for too long? Smoke, drink, bite your nails? Mindlessly eat? Do you ever get caught up in your phone? Do you mindlessly scroll through social media?

*Raises hand*

I have fallen pray to the mindless scrolling on social media, as many of us have, and I recently recognized that I do this out of a need for a comforting feeling when I'm in my thoughts about life. Sound familiar? You may be experiencing it with a different form of urge or habit, but the lessons are the same. For me, I've been wanting to override the urge, because my wisdom has been telling me to "back away from the phone" for quite some time now. So of course, as the Universe provides when you're open and curious about something, I came across an audio from 3 Principles practitioner George Pransky that got my insights going.

What is the nature of an urge? It is a thought with a great special effects system. My Consciousness (which provides all of the special effects) makes the urge look really enticing, so my thoughts begin saying "Oh, I'll just look at it for 10 minutes" or "I'll look up this one thing then put it down," because no matter if it's 'good' for me or not, in that moment with all things considered, my reasoning makes it look like the best idea. AND HERE'S THE KICKER - this actually kind of blew my mind because it made so much sense. You will always have thoughts to support the urge because the intelligence behind life follows your lead - the ever-flowing energy that keeps our thoughts moving is a servant to our current thinking, not necessarily what we would consider to be best for us (<--- that last bit is what made my jaw drop).

I see your furrowed brow... keep reading.

*Let all of this sink in like music, don't overthink... just reading through it will begin the awakening within you and you'll see examples pop up in your life to deepen the understanding...

Let me ask you this: Have you ever done something where you look back and go "What was I thinking?" Like speeding to work because you're late, you know cops don't normally hang around your route and you don't want to get in trouble at work - then you get pulled over - DOH! That is exactly like me picking up my phone and here's why - if in the moment I have the urge to pick up my phone (like speeding to work) and my thinking supports it (ie: the reasons as to why it's a good idea), the intelligence behind life will be of service to that thinking and continue to provide more thinking to support it (this is how we get caught up in thought storms!)

So how do you break the habit or the urge, you ask? Well, there is a resolve that exists within us when we no longer want to engage in a habit or urge, however large or small. The larger the resolve, the more the intelligence behind life will support THAT thinking. Since I've had this insight that my phone provides false comfort that keeps me disengaged, I've hit my limit and my resolve has become incredibly strong. If I were to quantify it, I would say that I am 75% not wanting to get caught up on my phone, and 25% willing to do so. So when I pick up my phone for work, the intelligence behind life, that energy, supports the thinking going through my mind in that moment which is now just to do my post or engage with whatever I need to, and put it down. And here's the thing, it isn't about having a strong will to overcome the urge anymore, the resolve in itself has shifted my thinking and the energy is spiritually supporting it. This goes for any type of urge - eating, smoking, drinking, nail biting, etc.

Pransky made a great point - if you look back on any urges/habits/addictions that you've overcome, you'll notice that your resolve existed from the first time you gave in to the urge, but as time passed, your resolve got deeper. And your resolve can change, it can grow stronger and weaker, it isn't something that only grows stronger (or maybe it never grows stronger at all). Need an example? My husband Mike was a smoker since before we were together, and for most of his smoking years, didn't think much about it - I would say for the first two years of our relationship, there was no talk of quitting. But then something shifted and he decided to switch to American Spirits because they don't have any chemical additives, therefore making it a bit easier (as far as the physical side effects) to drop the habit. Though he didn't have any intention of quitting at that point, in hindsight, this was the resolve growing without him even being aware of it. From there he quit about a year or two later, but his resolve wasn't strong enough - just one more was enough reason to keep it going. Then one day he heard about a famous study that showed that if you quit smoking by age 30, scientists couldn't show a statistically significant difference in mortality rate from non-smokers. That was it. He decided that no matter what, he would have his last cigarette on the last day of his 29th year. And guess what? He did it. Cold turkey. 9 years have gone by and he doesn't even have the slightest urge to pick up the habit again. Now, I also have friends who have quit and still feel the urge to pick one up when others are smoking around them, but the resolve is so strong to not pick up the habit again, that the intelligence behind life supports it!

So what to do now, you ask? Truly, nothing. Your awareness has already been engaged. Re-read above when you feel the need to get a little more clear on the understanding, but having the understanding of how the nature of urges work in and of itself, naturally creates a buffer between you and the urge. Just like the rest of my work, as soon as the understanding clicks, even the slightest bit, there is literally a cognitive shift that permanently changes your perspective on life. That's why I can see someone for one or two sessions and they see life differently in all aspects. The beauty of this work and why I call it the understanding, is because once you see it clearly, the insights keep coming and coming, your understanding gets deeper and you become more peaceful - it's absolutely incredible to watch.

As always, I hope this brings some insight into the way you tick as a human being and brings you some peace of mind. Feel free to comment below with any questions or observations and share it with your friends and family to spread the word - urges and unwanted habits are the pits!

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

Guilty As Charged!

I admit it. I'm guilty. Yep, happens to me all the time...

Hi, my name is Jessie, and I am an overthinker.

Is it the fact that I come from a family of therapists, so it's second nature to analyze the crap out of every little thing? (Which was quickly supported by my Psych education... Nervous? Stressed? Anxious? Dig in your past, you'll find the answers there... oh, bother). Is it because I'm an entrepreneur secretly stuck in the body of someone who wants a traditional 9-5? (I've tried that, so I know it isn't the answer, whew!)

Oh, it's because I'm human? Thank god... I can deal with that.

Since last weeks post (TRUST In The Timing), I've been made aware of the way I process life - lets just say that I don't do my introspection as introspectively as I thought I did - my husband Mike just the other day said, "Jesus, you have so many THOUGHTS!" which made me laugh all while giving me major insight. The insight was, here I am not getting emotionally hooked or triggered by my thinking (at least not a majority of the time), yet I still take the headline thoughts very seriously (particularly everything that comes up pertaining to my business). Do you understand what I mean? I do a great job of not getting tossed into a thought storm that I believe to be true which can result in anxiety and stress, but I still look at each thought with a magnified glass, as opposed to allowing them to pass effortlessly.

I hear ya, Pooh!

The understanding is about to go deeper.

See, the clearer I've become on the role of Thought in my understanding of the world around me: that we live through the lens of our thinking 100% of the time, and that our feelings come from our thoughts 100% of the time - the less I have been emotionally triggered by them. BUT now I have trained myself to grab a hold of a thought, try to make meaning out of it, try to see what the 'hidden message' is within it, then let it go back into the heavy stream of thoughts that flow when I'm done with it. Like catching a fish purely for the sport of the catch, then letting it go back into the water. Because I don't deal with anxiety any more like I did in the past, this new little trick of mine slipped under the radar until it was pointed out to me.

So if I'm not feeling anxious or getting emotionally triggered by this new trick of mine, what's the big deal? I'll tell ya: It keeps me distracted from my wisdom, therefore keeping me frozen instead of in motion. I find myself going around and around in my head some days about which move I should make next for my business: Who should I contact next? Should I start compiling all my writings for my book? Should I get back to my weekly or bi-weekly group meetings? Should I clarify a bunch of topics for guest pieces for online publications now? Or wait til I begin to reach out to them? And of course each idea comes with ten more ideas and guess what?! If I didn't stop to mull it all over and I just ACTED out of my wisdom, all of those things would be done within a day (and by the way, I know the answer is YES to all of the above). Of course I'm still productive, but it takes more effort to rise out of my brain and it's incredible how much time is lost to going around and around with it all. Am I grateful for my understanding of how Thought works so none of them are making me feel ill? ABSOLUTELY. But, I'm seeing now that there's yet another level deeper into the understanding, into the consistent peaceful abyss that exists for the taking - or should I say - for the being.

As per usual with lessons like these, when they show up in more of a brick-upside-the-head kind of way as opposed to a whisper kind of way, the Universe brought me the last piece of the puzzle via my mom and her recent insight that made me (and her) click into a deeper knowing of this thing called life. I am majorly paraphrasing, but it was something said by Sydney Banks, the wonderful human being who had the insight into the 3 Principles behind our human experience that my work is based in: Don't get caught up in the game of the thinking, just observe it. The game of the thinking. That is exactly what I needed to hear. Our thoughts are always at play, sometimes they're playing with knives during a storm, sometimes they're kicking a ball back and forth in the sunshine, but either way - observe the game, and keep honoring your wisdom. Life will continue to unfold for us when we get out of our own way with our thoughts - and what's even more magical? When we're not in our head, or rather, choosing to observe the game in our head instead of play it, we naturally come back to the moment and get to witness all of the little breadcrumbs from the Universe, allowing for the journey to be the fun part, not just the goal at the end of the journey. Wow, what a wonderful feeling.

Thank you for being on the journey with me~

All my love and see you next week,

Jessie

TRUST In The Timing...

Trust in the timing...

Trust in wisdom...

Trust in the Universe...

Trust in Mind...

Did you need to be reminded of this today? Just so you know, I have to remind myself all the time, and heavily so in the last week.

It's amazing where our thoughts can take us, isn't it? Expectations have been running rampant in my brain and they can lead to such intense thought storms. I'm so passionate about my work and so eager to reach the masses, I get caught up in my thinking that I wish the word was spreading about me at a more rapid pace. I can get caught up in my thinking that I need to be doing more, posting more, writing more, meditating more, visualizing more, emailing more, connecting more. And yet because I do all of those things on the daily and I'm not wildly successful yet, when I'm in that thought storm I can start to have fearful and impatient thinking about how long it's going to take before I do reach the masses, before I have a full private practice, before I have inquiries for speaking engagements, before I'm asked to write contributing articles, and so on and so on and so on.

And then I remember...

Trust in the timing...

Trust in wisdom...

Trust in the Universe...

Trust in Mind...

None of the thoughts are real. They look really real to me when I'm in the chaos of my personal mind because my Ego is desperate for more. My Ego tells me I should be at Oprah's level even though I leapt from my job and made myself fully available to the world a mere 5 and a half months ago. And really, what is Ego? What bubbles up for me is that it's merely more thoughts, but with a loud f#$%ing mouth. It's the overbearing and shrill voice of the P.E. teacher in school, screaming into the megaphone to stop walking and start running around the race track or else you aren't going to get enough laps in for the day (God bless Ms. Moody, but her name was very apropos). But like the P.E. teacher, the Ego is well intentioned I just don't have to believe everything it says. I appreciate the drive and confidence it gives me, but beyond that I have to remind myself that any negative thoughts it produces is again, as always, just thoughts. I have to remind myself to take a page from my own book and remember that you CANNOT RUSH the beautiful timing of the Universe, of Mind. My wisdom is always correct, my wisdom can absolutely be trusted. I get messages from people daily that I've helped them, I've touched them, I've reminded them that they are totally normal and human for getting caught up in the whirlwind of the punches life throws them, but that there is peace available to them the moment they choose it.

That's what matters. That's the work.

*Deep breath Jessie... TRUST*

So if there is anywhere in your life that you're feeling impatient, let me remind you that as long as you're in touch with your wisdom, as long as you're doing what FEELS right, you are always being guided at the pace that is absolutely on purpose. I'm reminding myself right now as I write this because I'm human too and man oh man it can be hard sometimes. Remember that if you're thrown into a thought storm, the nature of the energy of Thought is flowing, so it will pass. It feels like it won't because thoughts can feel so real and true, but they aren't. And because our feelings come from our thoughts 100% of the time, they flow right along with the waves of Thought. It's magnificently simple but seems absolutely difficult when we're wrapped up in the complexity of our brains. I promise you, I understand.

All in all, after this very cathartic Monday Musings, I'm back to feeling peaceful as I hope you are feeling as well. I will take each next step the best I know how and trust that life will continue to unfold FOR me and not against me, because that is truly the way it works. I don't have to be moving faster, doing more, forcing my way through life, because all that does is create a stressed out Jess that isn't taking in the beautiful and magical moments of my everyday experiences. Thank you for being here with me, thank you for trusting me with your open heart while I open your eyes to a different perspective. I hope this gives you insight into that conversation you're fearing to have, that leap you're wanting to take, that problem you're wanting to figure out, that promotion you're wishing came quicker - the blueprint is already drawn, the road is already paved - honor your wisdom, do what feels right, and let go of the rest.

So much love to you, see you next week~

Jessie

The Truth Is Out... And Bickering Is What Made Me See It

It's an incredible thing, being in a relationship with someone - and I don't just mean your partner. I'm also referring to your relationships with your parents, your friends, your siblings, your co-workers, your neighbors, YOURSELF...

This past week got a little prickly between my husband and I. My best friend of 14 and a half years was grinding my gears, and frankly, I was grinding on his. What were we bickering about? Honestly? Anything and everything - From "I wish you would respect me more in this area" to "Why would you say that? I'm just trying to help." And you know what? Both of those sentences came out of BOTH of our mouths, so this article is judgement-free.

What has been insightful for me to reflect on, is the fact that we as humans are truly in constant evolution. Effortlessly flowing and evolving, continually creating a new reality for ourselves without thinking about it. In the same way that Thought is transitory and constantly flowing (when we allow it), the way our heart beats without us telling it to or our lungs expand and contract without our direction, there is evolution happening within us on a spiritual level - moment by moment - without our effort. We don't have to think to ourselves "I need to change and evolve," it just happens. And when we allow the flow to happen, we naturally auto-correct to our default setting of peace, love and clarity and our reality unfolds for us without us even thinking about it. We are so One with our wisdom that we flow in the greater wisdom of life. In relationship to Mike and I, we attempt to function from this place by choice because we trust our wisdom and our communication with each other, but what woke us up to a new reality was the fact that the flow all of a sudden had a bunch of rocks and boulders getting in the way. It's as if we held a mirror up to each other and said "Look! You're different!" This is where the insight hit me with a big A-HA!

We are so used to believing that on a subconscious level (or for some, even the conscious level) that people don't change, including ourselves. That there are concrete truths about who we are that won't ever shift. But here's the thing, it's not that people don't change, it's our thinking about those people that doesn't change (!!) It's not that I can't change, it's the thinking about those concrete truths about myself that doesn't change (!!) What we believe to be their behaviors, their beliefs, their being (or our behaviors, our beliefs or our being), is rock solid in our brain and any experience that pulls the curtain to any kind of deviation from what we think we know about that person or ourselves, must be circumstantial.

WHOA

Need me to repeat those truth bombs?!

It's not that people don't change, it's our thinking about people that doesn't change.

It's not that I can't change, it's the thinking about those concrete truths about myself that doesn't change.

Yes, Oprah, you heard me right!

For example, in the little spats that Mike and I were getting into, we were reading each other through the lens of our beliefs that we already knew what the other person would normally react like. And by the way, we make a concerted effort to truly approach each other with new eyes and ears, all the time. But on a subconscious level, what was making us constantly lock up, was an expectation of each other that couldn't be met because neither of us are the same person we were two minutes ago. It was the ultimate wake up call to recognize that we are truly, unequivocally, evolving all the time; And in order to stay in flow with the relationship, whether it be with yourself or another human being, you must show up as if you are learning more new information about that person (or yourself), in that moment. Staying curious (flowing) as opposed to assuming (concrete). If our thoughts are constantly flowing, therefore our feelings are constantly flowing with them, of course we are inevitably going to experience a different self or different person in a relationship, depending on where our thoughts are.

Another layer to this, that I'm sure you can relate to, is seeing someone you haven't seen in quite a while. We often say, "Wow, they sure are different. They must be super happy at their job or (the opposite) miserable in their relationship." We blame their being different on their outside circumstances OR the fact that we haven't seen them in a long time (again, another outside circumstance), but 1) we aren't threatened by it and 2) that eludes that the person hasn't changed, just their circumstances have. Should we see someone on a day-to-day basis and we experience them being very different we either again, blame it on outside circumstances such as work stress, OR we take it personally and try to find a reason as to why they would be different with us. Can you guess where this scenario normally leads? You got it - assumption and miscommunication up the yin yang. Again, if we were to come from the knowing that we are ALL evolving from moment to moment, and additionally, became curious about where the other persons mind is at within these experiences that throw you (as well as where YOUR mind is at while in the experience), I can guarantee you that you will be saving yourself some grief.

All in all, it always comes back to a simple way of being. Do less, DO nothing. Stop overthinking, stop trying to find evidence as to why someone is being different or you are feeling different. If you think about it, isn't your instinct when someone is different with you, to ask why? It's the first thing that pops into your head! "Why did she say that?" or "Why would he do that?" Guess what? That's your wisdom. We've just trained ourselves to not ask because we're scared of the response. But the reality is, when we follow our wisdom and ask with an open heart and mind - that's the moment of growth, of learning more about the other person, of learning more about yourself and most importantly, it's an opportunity for deep connection. It will more than likely feel like a leap of faith at first, and that takes bravery. But with time it will be second nature to you, and your relationship to yourself and others will thrive more than you can ever imagine.

Here's to all of our bravery, dear friend~

See you next week,

Jessie

Life Doesn't Have To Be Difficult

It happens to the best of us, in fact, most of us.

We innocently witness our parents tirelessly work day-in and day-out, maybe they worry about finances, complain about their co-workers, stay friends with people they don't really enjoy or argue with each other to get what they need. From our tiny-person perspective, when you get older, life is hard.

Then you go to school and you begin having to learn subjects that you have no interest in, but you must do well in passing the exams and class in order to move up. You have to be incredibly creative with projects that you could care less about, so every step of the way feels like you're climbing up a snowy mountain, backwards, with no shoes.

Then you get to the end of your school years and you've already got a plethora of evidence that from here on out, you're going to have to 'work' at your success in both your career and relationships. Parents, teachers, peers, SOCIETY tells us that we have to work hard to play hard. Success doesn't come from no where - you're at the beginning of the rest of your life, things will be difficult, but worth it.

Cut to 10-15 years out of school and we wonder why we're miserable. Maybe we're in the career we dreamed of, and we truly love it, but there's still stress and anxiety on a daily basis - what's happening? Oh that's right, this is life. This is what we've been waiting our whole lives to get to. We begin to remember seeing our parents struggle with stress on a daily basis, and we think to ourselves, this is it - this is normal and the way life is as an adult.

I call bullshit.

It's been an amazing thing for me to witness my life from an outside perspective, as well as so many others around me, when it comes to this expectation in life. Myself, clients, friends, peers - we've all innocently fallen pray to believing this story. We're aware that when we're happy and enjoying something, we're more successful, problems are dealt with more effortlessly, conversations can be had without a pit in the bottom of our stomach. And yet, when those experiences happen, we call it luck:

"Oh that conversation with my boss must have gone well because she was in a good mood."

"Wow, how lucky that that date went so flawlessly."

"God, I really had a great day today - it must have been because I didn't have many projects to stress about."

"My kids weren't that difficult today, they must have woken up on the right side of the bed!"

Do you see the pattern here? Do you see yourself in what I'm saying? When things go well, it's ingrained in us to believe it's because of our circumstances, not us - and it's time to flip the perspective. Am I saying that life is supposed to be so simple that we feel like we're easin' on down the road?

Well, to a point, YES! But truly, of course we have to work hard at things, of course there will be long days and moments when you feel like you're being pulled in every direction, but when you're following what is right for YOU on a moment to moment basis - when you stay in touch with how you're FEELING in your experiences in life - then life switches from difficult to full.

The moment I began trusting my instincts throughout the day, experiences I would have previously deemed difficult, scary, or uncomfortable, went smoothly, effortlessly and even better than I could have expected. Of course I'm a human being and I find myself going around and around in my head about challenging moments still, but the moment I recognize that I'm feeling like I'm trying to think of ways to put a square peg through a round hole, I stop what I'm doing and choose to let it go and look the other way. The moment I release it from my grip, I calm down, come back to the moment, and inevitably (often only minutes later) I know exactly what I need to do next - the peaceful state of mind automatically makes space for my wisdom to bubble up and tell me what to do.

So yes, life will continue to be challenging - but what takes it from difficult to full, is when you arrive at those moments, you check in with yourself, you allow yourself the space within to let your knowing bubble up and guide you - and those challenging moments are then the things that bring color, richness, depth and vitality to your days. The lessons and experiences are welcomed and you see them from a different perspective; You become grateful for what you've walked through. And why is this again? Because when you move through life coming from your gut feeling, you're approaching each scenario with a full heart: you've taken care of yourself first by honoring your wisdom. When you go against yourself and just work it through, you're reactive and coming from your head: therefore not taking care of yourself first and feeling depleted and worn out. As my dear friend says, "Why do you think we have to put the oxygen mask on ourselves FIRST on an airplane before we put it on our kids?!" It's true! And a perfect metaphor for life.

Moving forward, to begin settling into this new perspective, when you start to feel upset in your body when you're dealing with a challenging situation, give yourself a moment to make space inside and allow your wisdom to bubble up. Even if the situation looks dire, urgent and in your face - go to the bathroom, walk outside for a moment, close the door to whatever room you're in and play your favorite song on your phone (don't have it downloaded? There's always YouTube, my friend) - you will truly be guided to what is best for you next. What to say, what to do (or what to not say and not do) is always with us, we have the answers every moment of every day, we just have to quiet the noise upstairs to hear what's best for us from the basement.

Have a wonderful week and I'll see you next Monday~

Jessie

You Don't Have To Be 80 To Have Wisdom

I had a complete post written for today's Monday Musings, and my gut was nagging at me throughout the entire process that the timing wasn't right for what I had written.

What won't leave my mind is the powerful movement following Parkland. I am so incredibly proud and in awe of the students and the driving force for change within them, I can't help but reflect on how powerful, strong, and wise they are. What a gift to us all, what a wake up call for so many, to see in real time that you don't have to be 80 to have wisdom. It is truly within us, at all times, no matter your age. It is so incredibly inspiring to witness what tragedy can be turned into.

One of the Three Principles that I refer to here in different ways (without saying it directly) is Universal Mind, or the greater intelligence of all things. I often say this is your wisdom, your gut feeling; I also think of it as the power source as well as the lazy river that holds you up and guides you along in life. Universal Mind is truly the energy woven into the wisdom within and around us. My jaw was on the floor when I witnessed this so strongly watching Emma Gonzalez, a Senior and survivor from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, giving her incredibly powerful speech to a gun control rally. She was a conduit to her wisdom, and oh how powerfully she trusted it. The strength I felt from her grounding, she was as mighty as the oldest Sequoias in the Sierra Nevada mountains. (Click here to watch if you haven't seen it yet).

Isn't it amazing how our most intense experiences, whether tragic or romantic, get us right to our wisdom? There's no time for erroneous thinking - we live in the moment, we say what we feel, we ACT. We DO. Every thought that comes up is straight from our wisdom, and there's nothing but trust and movement.

Let me remind you that it doesn't take a tragedy or the most sweeping love affair to get to this place.

It is there for you all the time, you just have to look in it's direction. When we experience something so intensely, we're often forced to surrender to those experiences, thus being in the moment. Living with an energy and vitality that others feel around you. Watch Emma, yes there is an immense amount of pain, but you can see the moments when she hurts because she has a memory flash across her mind from the tragedy, but she is standing in her wisdom. It takes my breath away and makes me feel so empowered for change, because SHE is so empowered for change.

Finally, I would love to share with you what I posted immediately following the tragedy. At the time I felt hopeless, shocked, in disbelief, and out of words. Then this is what bubbled up to share with the world...

It doesn't matter who you are, where you've come from, or what part of the world you live in - EVERY HUMAN BEING suffers from the stories in their head at some point or another - either consistently or in phases. Whether you believe a tragic incident or person from your past continues to ruin your life on a daily basis, or you're scared you're not being a good parent. From each perspective, the person trapped in their thoughts is riddled with anxiety because those thoughts make life look and feel really scary.
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The difference between you and the person pulling the trigger of a gun, is that they BELIEVE their thought stories to be so real and overwhelming, that getting a gun and killing themselves and others will relieve them from those stories, swiftly and easily. Like removing the stinger after a bee sting.
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If you're a stay at home mom who has gotten so low that you haven't washed your hair in over a week, or if you're an addict using drugs or alcohol to escape the movies you replay in your head.
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That's why I'm here, doing what I do.
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I would love to be able to reach every single person on this planet to make them understand that they don't have to take their thoughts so seriously - that they don't have to continue re-living past experiences that bring pain. Suffering will continue as long as we don't have the education about Thought.
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My point? Mental health is a factor for mass shootings as much as it is a factor in living a peaceful life. But when you have easy access to something that can swiftly end what you believe is the cause to the suffering you're experiencing, using a gun will never be anything less than the solution to the illusory problem
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Let's remove the easy access to the deadly machine that so seductively makes people believe it will quiet or end the thoughts that bring them suffering... because it won't. Ever.

It is amazing what we learn from our experiences in this skin suit, dealing with our human shit (sorry for the language, but 'stuff' just doesn't cut it). If you haven't heard it yet today, know that you are important, loved and so appreciated for who YOU are - YOUR wisdom. We need you for all that you are. Stop letting your thoughts get in the way of us experiencing your greatness. Take a page from Emma - if it wasn't for her, we may not be having the conversation that new regulations are a must, we may all still be feeling like I did right after it happened - hopeless.

If you would like to join me in pledging to vote for gun safety, or need more information on how you can be part of the movement in your area, click here to be taken to Everytown for Gun Safety.

Here's to you, and all of us ~

See you next week,

Jessie

When Money Leads to HUGE Insight...

Oh, money. Or as Pooh would say (which is very apropos)... Oh, bother. 

When was the last time you checked in on your perspective on money? How it makes you feel when you think about it, when you look at your bank account balance, or when you write a check for your rent or mortgage? What does your body tell you? Think about it for a moment now and scan your body. For the first time ever, when I think about it, I feel safe and at peace - and my hubs and I are in the middle of building each of our businesses, so we are not rolling in it... yet ;)

This past month I've had so many lessons, experiences and insights into my old habitual thinking and perspective on money. It became very clear to me that this was a lesson from the Universe and my wisdom that I needed to truly open my heart to, and evaluate on a deeper level.

"A very import'nt Thing To Do" Thanks Pooh... I hear ya buddy

The first AHA came to me about a month ago when I had deposited a check into our bank account. The amount wasn't for much and our balance wasn't where I had hoped it would be, so I felt my brain eagerly waiting for me to get swooped up into my habitual thought storm of all my money fears (they may sound familiar)... "Omg will there be enough for bills? Oh crap, I forgot I have to pay the car registration this month. If we don't get another check til next week, do we tap into savings for food?! Man, this is a struggle, when will all of our hard work pay off?!" etc etc. But guess what? I literally felt this flutter in my brain, an anticipation you might say, but my body felt peaceful. I was able to see all my old moldy thinking at the starting gate ready to race as soon as it heard the starting gun go off. But as if time slowed down for a moment, I looked in it's dark and anxiety-filled direction, and I chose not to let it take me over. Instead, I cued into the peaceful feeling in my body, this warmth in my belly - my wisdom - and again, made the choice to trust the feeling that made me feel good, that which was saying, all was going to be ok.

It was confusing at first, to be honest, because this fear-based relationship to money in my thinking was so normal for me (and is so normal for all of us on a cultural level... "will there be enough?!") that I had lost sight of the fact that all my thoughts around my financial situation were just... THOUGHTS! Considering this is the base to my work and what I talk about all the time, you may be thinking I'm nuts I didn't see it before. But when we use our gift of Thought against us so innocently by making up stories, especially if our culture around us is always reinforcing those stories and giving us evidence that the thoughts are really real, it's difficult to see where we end and our thinking begins... you know what I mean? Like old beliefs that our parents have that they say over and over while we're growing up, so we begin to say and believe the same thing without even thinking about it. We may even defend those beliefs in an argument til we're blue in the face, and realize later, do I actually believe that? And what's ironic is that our parents probably got those beliefs by osmosis as well! Hearing them said over and over from their parents... you see how we can so swiftly sign on to thoughts as if they're our own, when they don't even make sense for US?

A few days after having that experience, I was reading a book and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I woke up to the fact that I had signed on to this belief/routine of fearing our money situation, ALL the time. I'm telling you, this was a bigger lesson than just learning to cope with this period of us growing our businesses, this has been an issue my entire adult life, and it was entirely based on a movie of my own making. I have ALWAYS been ok, and at different periods in my life I've done quite well for myself, but I've never been grounded in that knowing because of the fearful thoughts I was always looking through.

That leads me to my next and final point.

My relationship to money, energetically, has always been fear-based. The moment I get it as a gift it gets stashed away, and every penny earned goes straight to expenses. Sure, when I've had times where I was earning more I would save, I was trained well! But the feeling behind it has always been out of... "in case it runs out, I have this". Again, always seeing money and finances through the lens of my horror movie, that I MADE UP! So what do you think that did to every penny earned, energetically? What was I saying to the Universe if every thought I had around money made me sick, and every time I made money it went right out the window to my expenses? Well, if you put it in terms of relationships, I always say to clients how important it is to take care of yourself FIRST, so your love tank is full to take care of others. For example, when I was at a low point at the agency because I was soul searching, I kept putting off taking dance or yoga classes because I thought I couldn't really afford it, but most importantly, I figured that I would do those things when I had found my soul-pull career and I was generally happier. How backwards is that?! The moment I started taking the classes was the moment I started to feel whole again, insight into my soul-pull started to bubble up, and I didn't even feel the difference in my finances from taking the classes.

Full circle back to the money - with this new insight into how I had lost sight of where I ended and my thoughts around money began, it was very timely that I would then be reminded by a mentor about my soul account. 10% of every single dollar earned, even if it is a gift, goes into this soul account savings, therefore paying myself FIRST. Like a healthy relationship, filling myself up first so I can then energetically welcome more, as well as take care of others (ie: bills). Now you may be asking yourself, how would I pull that off if I just make it work, as it is? Well, I promise you, our relationship to money is just as spiritual as anything else, and it does work out. I had started a soul account over a year and a half ago, and when I had, unexpected flows of income came out of nowhere. The moment I left my job, I relied on that money as a back up for bills and had stopped saving 10% of anything that came in, and guess what happened? No more random gifts from the universe. So guess what I'm back to doing? Yep, saving that 10%, and I'm already seeing the return, let alone the peace of mind coming from my new relationship to my thoughts around money.

There are many teaching moments here, so let me sum them up. The moment I trusted my wisdom over my thoughts (remember when I didn't get caught in the thought storm at the beginning?), I experienced a shift in consciousness with my relationship to money. My choice in that moment naturally, and without any effort, moved me to a new level of thinking and PEACE that gave room for the new insight to bubble through about my old beliefs around money. The moment I had that insight, I was insanely grateful - it brought tears to my eyes, my old story no longer had any emotional charge to it because I saw it for what it was... made up. Then finally, days later, I happened to be guided back to my mentor and reminded of the amazing tool that completely shifts my relationship to money energetically. Do you see how amazing all of this is? And the only real effort it took was to make the choice to not get caught in that original thought storm. After that, the spiritual work was being done to show me a new way of thinking that was true for me and my path. The Universal Intelligence that exists all around us and in us, is ALWAYS working in our favor.

So here's to you dear reader - here's to leaving your old thinking behind when it doesn't serve you anymore. Here's to knowing that when your wisdom comes through and feels right, you can trust it. If you feel like you're hitting your head up against a wall in ANY arena of your life, but you don't know what to do about it because it's just 'who you are', I beg you to take a second look. One thought shift changes everything, and it doesn't have to take a lifetime to do so, just a choice in the matter of a moment.

Sending you so much love on your journey, see you next week ~

Jessie

My Anxiety Named Bruce

Do you ever have too many things going on in too many different directions, where you feel out of control?

Ugh. Me too.

I recently got through a fit of anxiety and in the middle of it, I wished I could transport back in time to Saturday, when there wasn't a care in the world: I was with my husband, in a beautiful landscape two hours out of Los Angeles, watching our best friend compete in a riding competition with her stunner horse love-bug, Roxy (both Roxy & my friend did GREAT by the way).

This is me with Roxy, both without a care in the world (obviously)

That anxiety I mentioned? Well, in case you're new to my posts, our feelings always come from our thinking, and I was in a thought storm of things I needed to accomplish: Two important phone calls needed to be made, a workshop inquiry needed to be tended to, I was needing to write this blog post (which brings on alllll the thoughts about which experience or insight I should share with you all that would make the most sense or the biggest impact on your life); I had thoughts about my friends, my family, and the fact that I needed to schedule the following day (which brings on alll the thoughts about what needs to be done: exercise, pay that bill, pay for that class, post to social media, email that client, outline that workshop, call that friend, GO to said class you have to pre-pay for... oh shit! you haven't listened to that audio you were supposed to listen to FOR that class... ugh, be sure to fit that in too!) and so on...

And then I remembered...

"You're in your thoughts, Jessie. You feel nauseated, anxious, and out of control because you're in your thoughts. Look around, what's happening? Oh, it's a lovely afternoon with your husband, listening to music while he drives us to Target. Jesus. Come back to the moment, Jessie. Aaah, hello again." And then the anxiety dissipated, like magic. Out of all fairness, because I am constantly holding a candle to my life experience so I can put my work to the test and share with you all the results, I was able to see my thinking for what it was VERY quickly. That muscle is quite strong, and I expect it will get stronger every day for the rest of my life. But guess what? So can yours (yup, you heard me right... I am NOT special, to say the least, we're alike in every way).

If you suffer from overthinking which leads to anxiety or panic, hear me out on this (and if you're one of the lucky few that never feels an iota of anxiety, please send me the results to your latest blood test, I don't think you're human). Knowing that our feelings come from our thinking, I had this insight while my anxiety veil was being lifted. Name your anxiety. Literally give your anxiety or panic attacks a name - not the name of someone you hate in life or someone that has treated you badly, but a generic name that brings a smile to your face. Like Bruce or Liam - Ashley or Veronica (I have no emotional attachment to said names, so forgive me if I've listed off someone that's important to you!). It dawned on me that when my thinking is going around in circles so badly that I get anxious, it's not just because of the thoughts I'm thinking, but the thoughts ABOUT the thoughts. I can allow the list of things I have to do tomorrow to show up in my head and move through me, no problem. But it's when I start getting concerned ABOUT that list of things, therefore having thoughts ABOUT my thoughts, that the anxiety begins. SO if I'm beginning to feel the side effects of anxiety before I'm actually aware of the thoughts in my head, I can next time go "Oh hey Bruce, haven't seen you in a while, I don't feel like dealing with you today, thanks!" and I can go on about my day even quicker than going into the thought storm!

Ok so I have something to admit, after I had the insight, I realized I had heard of this technique back while I was in college for Psychology. But it was never as clear to me as it was when it came through my wisdom today. I want you to be able to recognize thoughts for what they are - that they're an energy of your own creation, a story of your own telling - that you can choose to believe, or not. But on your journey to gaining this understanding on a deep level, if it takes you calling out your feelings of anxiety by name so you can recognize it for what it is, as opposed to analyzing each and every thought going through your head (making the anxiety even worse!), then I say do it. For me, all I have to do now is say "Ugh, I'm having anxious thoughts," I check in with the reality of what's going on around me, and it passes. You will get there too. In the end, all it is is choosing to stop believing what's going on in your head as truth. But dammit, life can be hard. I understand. So let's grab a tool box and fill it up together.

Have a wonderful week and I'll see you on the next go-around ~

XO,

Jessie

Habitual Thinking and Your (My) Love Life...

Stop believing the lies you tell yourself.

That is what bubbled up for me last night as I was falling asleep. A very appropriate statement considering my husband, Mike, and I had had an incredible heart-to-heart earlier in the day. It's an amazing thing to be with someone for over 14 years. We are each others best friend, we read each others mind, we finish each others sentences, life is just better with the other in it. However, when you're with someone for so long - and this goes for any length of relationship, including the relationship to yourself - it is so easy to fall into habitual thinking, consistent thoughts that we believe are true about ourselves or the world around us, without even realizing it.

Babies... 14 years ago.

Here's the thing, we are changing every moment of every day. We look at past experiences, periods of time where we really had to work through a situation and we came out the other side a different person, as the defining moments of our lives that 'changed' us. But considering the fact that we are experiencing life through the lens of our thinking on a moment-to-moment basis - even if we have a 9-5 job, or the same routine every day - it is impossible to be having the exact same experience, because our thoughts are always changing, all day, every day. Without being conscious of it, what gets frustrating to us (and makes us feel 'stuck') is the fact that we are in this constant evolution, yet certain thoughts have turned to beliefs about ourselves that go around and around in our head, and they don't fit with who we are anymore - yet they're still there, like a tumor. And similar to a tumor, the habitual thoughts live and breathe off of our life experience. We find things outside of ourselves that we consider to be totally real evidence for the habitual thought/belief/tumor and we say "AHA! I knew it! SEE!" and there it grows, stronger and stronger, becoming part of who we think we are.

But here's an interesting concept to think about - look around you wherever you are right now and take in what you see.  Ok now I want you to think of the color red - got a picture of the color red in your mind? Now look around where you are again and look for the color red. Isn't that amazing? Before, you probably didn't see red things, but now you do. It's because you're always seeing life through the lens of your thinking - if you have a habitual thought about yourself or something, you will ALWAYS find evidence in life to support that thought.

I digress. Need an example? Here's where Mike and I's convo comes back in. A little backstory: Over the last several years, I have had some incredible stress - we all do - but looking back, it was stress coming from my habitual thinking, even though I thought it was my environment making me fall apart. As a professional dancer, I would go in thought circles (habitual thoughts!) around my career: "When am I going to 'make' it? Will I ever be able to fully support myself just from my dancing? Am I good enough?" (<-- That last one is a BIGGY, and a very common habitual thought we all have that unfortunately becomes a belief about ourselves). Then while I was working at the agency, although any career on the business side of entertainment is truly non-stop, I would get caught up in: "I never have time for myself; I'm not going to be able to truly take care of myself til I'm in another career." All of these thoughts felt so real in the moment, especially because they would ruminate underneath the thousands of other thoughts I would think all day every day, so I would consistently gather moments of evidence to prove them. Every phone call, every email from a casting director after hours. "SEE! I can't do anything for myself because it's non-stop!" Therefore bringing a truck load of stress, because our feelings come from our thinking!

Back to Mike and I - due to said stress over the last several years, I had found myself feeling like I had to work at our love life. God bless my husband for being so understanding (and never giving up at knocking at my door after being rejected more times than I will EVER admit), but the other day before we talked, I had this huge realization that I had a habitual thought that I had become completely unconscious of: That I was always too stressed, and there were too many other things that needed to be handled first, before I could relax and be intimate.

HOLY CRAP!

I have a completely different life now, I am 100% in line with my purpose for the first time ever, bringing me so much happiness. The understanding of how my mind works has brought me so much peace, there's absolutely no need to be defaulting to this "I'm too stressed" thinking when I, or Mike, get the intimate itch! But here was this unearthed habitual thought that made me still react the way I would in my old way of being. Now, if I were to have the understanding I do now back then, this "I'm too stressed to let my guard down" would not have become an issue because I would know it's just a thought (a LIE!) I was believing to be true. But I didn't know then. I did the best I could with the state of mind I was in at the time, and frankly, ANY type of self-care and self-love came last because all of my stressful thought-lies (or what I like to call, thought TURDS) were what I believed over what my wisdom was urging me to act on. I am SO grateful this insight came through me. The dissonance between this part of my life with my husband and how I feel on a daily basis finally woke me up!

My point is this - I wanted to share this story for two reasons: One, if you're in a relationship and you feel your love life is on a boat out in the middle of the Pacific, as opposed to alive and well in your relationship, check in with your thinking. Did some past experience get in between you and your partner, and the thoughts around that experience ended up putting a giant wedge between you? And two, whether you're in a relationship or not, notice if there are any moments throughout your day where you don't feel right, or you become upset out of nowhere. Is it old, moldy, habitual thinking? Is it a belief about yourself that isn't true? Is it a lie that you've told yourself over and over that has become so real to you that you'd swear it's truth? How can you tell what is old habitual thinking? Any time you feel terrible - sad, lonely, upset, anxious - whatever you're believing in your head isn't true, plain and simple. Our natural state is at ease, healthy, and content - so any time your thoughts are at odds with your wisdom, your body physically reacts. It's the most amazing alert system that I wish I would've known about sooner, and why I'm here telling you, so you can live a more peaceful life.

Here's to you ~ See you next week,

Jessie

The Feeling Behind Unity

Pride, overwhelming love, HOPE, justice, appreciation, contentment, JOY, awe, adoration, admiration, sadness, introspection, connecting devotion...

It is so hard to describe a feeling sometimes, especially when an experience is so overwhelming to my mind that all I can do is cry. That is exactly how I felt this past Saturday joining thousands of humans for the Women's March in Los Angeles, and the above adjectives are the best I can do right now (and it's been over 24 hours). The March was the second in it's history, but the first that I attended, and with every vulnerable bone in my body, I admit to you that the reason I didn't go to the first one was because...

I was scared.

I had been SO upset about the Presidential election results, I was so depleted and at a loss for words for the lack of emotional intelligence in my country, I felt blindsided. Politics aside, how could someone with no leadership skills, no kindness in his heart, no respect for women, and no experience (to say the least), be elected into the most 'honorable' seat in the White House? I was sick to my stomach and sobbed among coworkers - it was the first time in all my years that an election would shake me to my core.

Then the light came. The first ever Women's March was announced and I felt rejuvenated. I would be there, at my first ever protest, to stand with women from every cultural background, socioeconomic status, life experience and age to send the message that we are no longer standing down and absorbing the belief that we are not equal and voiceless. The day grew near, conversations were bubbling all around me with feelings of excitement, and all I was feeling was scared. What was happening? When the March was first announced I felt such an immense amount of hope and like I could be part of the solution, a part of history, a part of this huge cultural shift that I was bearing witness to...

My thoughts.

I look back now and as the day of the March was getting closer and closer, I was allowing and believing my thoughts over my wisdom. What if we all got attacked? What if I became claustrophobic? What if I didn't get down there early enough to meet up with people I knew? And so on and so on. These thoughts, when typed out, look so meager and easily dismissible, but especially that first one looked so real to me that it brought feelings of anxiety and stress that froze me. The day came and I just. couldn't. do it. My alarm went off and I snoozed it, but I was racked with sweat and an upset stomach because I was going against my wisdom. By the time I got up, I'm sure I still could've made it (it was still morning, of course), but my thoughts won yet again: Telling me there's no way I could get down there in time or even consider finding someone I knew (because god-forbid I do this on my own!), so I may as well stay home. I don't know about you, but what I've realized from my past behavior is that if I go against my wisdom, I end up wasting a significant amount of time (in this case, an entire day) ruminating in my head - creating thoughts upon thoughts - as to why I made the decision I did. Justifying (again, just thoughts). On this day I eventually told myself that it was in my best interest, and my own form of protest, to work on developing my program, What Moves You. What better way to show my solidarity then to continue to flush out my work that would eventually be teaching people to follow their wisdom and take their thoughts less seriously - my way of helping humanity to never make such an emotionally detached decision ever again. Well, here's what's so ironic - that's a pretty beautiful conclusion I had come to, but I couldn't even type a single word that day or research a single book, because I was going against my wisdom, and taking my scared thoughts VERY seriously.

Cut to a year later, just this past weekend, and there was a quick moment I didn't think I would be able to attend. My husband and I had plans to go out of town, but we didn't have to leave til noon since he had to work (the old thoughts were coming up a little bit too, but these days I make a concerted effort to trust my wisdom, so I let it go to see what would come up). Sure enough, the spiritual work was already in motion because I happened to reach out to my best friend about a completely different subject, and she wound up telling me she was getting downtown by 7am for the March. There it was, I felt so in line with my wisdom that there was no denying it. The next morning I shot out of bed and got myself out the door with my "THE FUTURE IS FEMALE" shirt on (gifted to me by the same friend, no surprise), and I was giddy like a 7 year old on Christmas morning. As I've been witnessing, when I continue to follow my wisdom on a moment-to-moment basis, the rest of the day unfolds in my favor. And of course on this day, it went seamlessly and beautifully, so much so that I felt short of breath from the love expounding from my body. As I walked the 15 blocks from my car to my friends, the images I witnessed made me cry (remember the experiences that are so overwhelming to my mind that make me cry? Now we're caught up...)

"It's better to show up, than to give up" - Bernie Sanders

They tried to bury us - They didn't know we were seeds

Feminism is not a female cause. It is a human one.

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Above all else, I hope you see yourself in this story. I hope you can begin to recognize the moments in your life when your wisdom is moving you in a direction and your thoughts are the only thing stopping you. That you feel empowered enough from learning more about your thinking, that you choose your knowing. What I felt on Saturday was out of body, and that bliss is part of my life on a daily basis these days. I can only imagine what will happen as each day passes and the voice of my wisdom becomes louder than the voice of my thoughts, but know that this is absolutely possible for you too. What Moves You?

With all my love.

See you next week,

Jessie