Oh, money. Or as Pooh would say (which is very apropos)... Oh, bother.
When was the last time you checked in on your perspective on money? How it makes you feel when you think about it, when you look at your bank account balance, or when you write a check for your rent or mortgage? What does your body tell you? Think about it for a moment now and scan your body. For the first time ever, when I think about it, I feel safe and at peace - and my hubs and I are in the middle of building each of our businesses, so we are not rolling in it... yet ;)
This past month I've had so many lessons, experiences and insights into my old habitual thinking and perspective on money. It became very clear to me that this was a lesson from the Universe and my wisdom that I needed to truly open my heart to, and evaluate on a deeper level.
The first AHA came to me about a month ago when I had deposited a check into our bank account. The amount wasn't for much and our balance wasn't where I had hoped it would be, so I felt my brain eagerly waiting for me to get swooped up into my habitual thought storm of all my money fears (they may sound familiar)... "Omg will there be enough for bills? Oh crap, I forgot I have to pay the car registration this month. If we don't get another check til next week, do we tap into savings for food?! Man, this is a struggle, when will all of our hard work pay off?!" etc etc. But guess what? I literally felt this flutter in my brain, an anticipation you might say, but my body felt peaceful. I was able to see all my old moldy thinking at the starting gate ready to race as soon as it heard the starting gun go off. But as if time slowed down for a moment, I looked in it's dark and anxiety-filled direction, and I chose not to let it take me over. Instead, I cued into the peaceful feeling in my body, this warmth in my belly - my wisdom - and again, made the choice to trust the feeling that made me feel good, that which was saying, all was going to be ok.
It was confusing at first, to be honest, because this fear-based relationship to money in my thinking was so normal for me (and is so normal for all of us on a cultural level... "will there be enough?!") that I had lost sight of the fact that all my thoughts around my financial situation were just... THOUGHTS! Considering this is the base to my work and what I talk about all the time, you may be thinking I'm nuts I didn't see it before. But when we use our gift of Thought against us so innocently by making up stories, especially if our culture around us is always reinforcing those stories and giving us evidence that the thoughts are really real, it's difficult to see where we end and our thinking begins... you know what I mean? Like old beliefs that our parents have that they say over and over while we're growing up, so we begin to say and believe the same thing without even thinking about it. We may even defend those beliefs in an argument til we're blue in the face, and realize later, do I actually believe that? And what's ironic is that our parents probably got those beliefs by osmosis as well! Hearing them said over and over from their parents... you see how we can so swiftly sign on to thoughts as if they're our own, when they don't even make sense for US?
A few days after having that experience, I was reading a book and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I woke up to the fact that I had signed on to this belief/routine of fearing our money situation, ALL the time. I'm telling you, this was a bigger lesson than just learning to cope with this period of us growing our businesses, this has been an issue my entire adult life, and it was entirely based on a movie of my own making. I have ALWAYS been ok, and at different periods in my life I've done quite well for myself, but I've never been grounded in that knowing because of the fearful thoughts I was always looking through.
That leads me to my next and final point.
My relationship to money, energetically, has always been fear-based. The moment I get it as a gift it gets stashed away, and every penny earned goes straight to expenses. Sure, when I've had times where I was earning more I would save, I was trained well! But the feeling behind it has always been out of... "in case it runs out, I have this". Again, always seeing money and finances through the lens of my horror movie, that I MADE UP! So what do you think that did to every penny earned, energetically? What was I saying to the Universe if every thought I had around money made me sick, and every time I made money it went right out the window to my expenses? Well, if you put it in terms of relationships, I always say to clients how important it is to take care of yourself FIRST, so your love tank is full to take care of others. For example, when I was at a low point at the agency because I was soul searching, I kept putting off taking dance or yoga classes because I thought I couldn't really afford it, but most importantly, I figured that I would do those things when I had found my soul-pull career and I was generally happier. How backwards is that?! The moment I started taking the classes was the moment I started to feel whole again, insight into my soul-pull started to bubble up, and I didn't even feel the difference in my finances from taking the classes.
Full circle back to the money - with this new insight into how I had lost sight of where I ended and my thoughts around money began, it was very timely that I would then be reminded by a mentor about my soul account. 10% of every single dollar earned, even if it is a gift, goes into this soul account savings, therefore paying myself FIRST. Like a healthy relationship, filling myself up first so I can then energetically welcome more, as well as take care of others (ie: bills). Now you may be asking yourself, how would I pull that off if I just make it work, as it is? Well, I promise you, our relationship to money is just as spiritual as anything else, and it does work out. I had started a soul account over a year and a half ago, and when I had, unexpected flows of income came out of nowhere. The moment I left my job, I relied on that money as a back up for bills and had stopped saving 10% of anything that came in, and guess what happened? No more random gifts from the universe. So guess what I'm back to doing? Yep, saving that 10%, and I'm already seeing the return, let alone the peace of mind coming from my new relationship to my thoughts around money.
There are many teaching moments here, so let me sum them up. The moment I trusted my wisdom over my thoughts (remember when I didn't get caught in the thought storm at the beginning?), I experienced a shift in consciousness with my relationship to money. My choice in that moment naturally, and without any effort, moved me to a new level of thinking and PEACE that gave room for the new insight to bubble through about my old beliefs around money. The moment I had that insight, I was insanely grateful - it brought tears to my eyes, my old story no longer had any emotional charge to it because I saw it for what it was... made up. Then finally, days later, I happened to be guided back to my mentor and reminded of the amazing tool that completely shifts my relationship to money energetically. Do you see how amazing all of this is? And the only real effort it took was to make the choice to not get caught in that original thought storm. After that, the spiritual work was being done to show me a new way of thinking that was true for me and my path. The Universal Intelligence that exists all around us and in us, is ALWAYS working in our favor.
So here's to you dear reader - here's to leaving your old thinking behind when it doesn't serve you anymore. Here's to knowing that when your wisdom comes through and feels right, you can trust it. If you feel like you're hitting your head up against a wall in ANY arena of your life, but you don't know what to do about it because it's just 'who you are', I beg you to take a second look. One thought shift changes everything, and it doesn't have to take a lifetime to do so, just a choice in the matter of a moment.
Sending you so much love on your journey, see you next week ~